Southern Bigfoot Convention Draws Criticism
Muller, Brandon, Skeptic (Altadena, CA)
CONSTERNATION, TX -- As the largest group of Bigfoot enthusiasts--the Southern Bigfoot Convention (SBC-prepares to kick off their annual meeting, other cryptozoologists are publicly speaking out against them claiming they are intolerant of other giant ape believers.
"It's narrow-minded to believe that the only unknown large bipedal species is Bigfoot," says Sam Iverson, a recovering Southern Bigfooter. "Although I was raised in the SB tradition and even enrolled in an SB-supported Cryptoseminary, I have since come to accept the existence of other giant apes as well."
"We need to stand for what we know to be true," counters Dr. Jack Bindershmagel, president of the SBC. "We believe in the one true Bigfoot. There are no others. The rest are false bigfoots."
Chester Titmus, a non-regionalistic giant primate believer disagrees: "I find it offensive to hear them use the term "Bigfoot" as though it is an all-encompassing term--it is a specific term for the creature found here in North America." Southern Bigfooters are conservative in their beliefs, discounting current ideas such as the theory that Bigfoot might be a spirit creature or possibly a creature from another dimension.
"That's all new age nonsense," laughs Dr. Bindershmagel. "Bigfoot is a physical species, dwelling among us, here on earth."
The SBC has also drawn fire in the past by organizing campaigns to convert groups such as the Yeti followers in Nepal and the Yowie believers in Australia.
Iverson argues that while SBers claim not to accept the creatures of other cultures, they are inconsistent in their own practice.
"They have this strange three-in-one doctrine," explains Iverson. "They say Bigfoot is revealed to us in three ways: Bigfoot, Sasquatch, and the Skunk Ape. That sounds to me like more than one Bigfoot."
Not according to Dr. …