Wes Clark's Cartoon Cousin; Patricia Ireland Fired for Faking It

Insight on the News, November 10, 2003 | Go to article overview

Wes Clark's Cartoon Cousin; Patricia Ireland Fired for Faking It


Byline: INSIGHT

Not to be outdone by Joe Lieberman or John Kerry or Madeleine Albright, Democratic presidential candidate Wesley Clark has announced that his father was Jewish. Apparently he heard Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohammad rant that Jews rule the world.

* A Pentagon insider says Gen. Clark, an Arkansas native, reminds him of the Al Capp cartoon character, Gen. Jubilation T. Cornpone, who was famous for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Who can forget his famous battles, "Cornpone's Retreat" and "Cornpone's Disaster" and "Cornpone's Rout"? And the hit Broadway song that went, "When we fought the Yankees and annihilation was near, who was there to lead the charge that took us straight to the rear? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone, old toot-your-own-horn pone; Jubilation T. Cornpone, a man who knew no fear."

* Democratic Sen. Zell Miller of Georgia comments in his terrific new book, A National Party No More, on Democratic front-runner Howard Dean. Mixing a metaphor like a martini, Miller says of Dean, "Clever and glib, but deep this Vermont pond is not." Miller says the Democrats hustle the special interests for money like "streetwalkers in skimpy halters and hot pants plying their age-old trade."

* Insiders are enjoying former House majority leader Dick Armey's hilarious new book, Armey's Axioms. Among those being repeated on K Street: "If you make a deal with the devil you are the junior partner."

* And those Dick Armey aphorisms reflect the quality of his character. As he puts it: "You can't stand on principle with feet of clay."

* Calling Democratic Party regulars in Iowa, pollster Zogby International asked this one: "Some believe that the Democratic Party should nominate someone who represents the democratic wing of the Democratic Party, others believe it should nominate someone who is a moderate centrist who will appeal to independents. What would you say your stand is on this question?" Apparently the Republicans will do well in Iowa next year only 39 percent of Democrats thought the Democratic Party should pick someone from its democratic wing.

* The nuttiest rigged rating we've seen in years is the highly publicized "Education State Rankings" by Morgan Quitno Press. It rates states on six equal criteria five of which are educrat spending and bureaucracy issues, and only one of which is student proficiency. The smartest state, by these criteria, is of course the People's Republic of Massachusetts.

* Those weird charges that President George W. Bush's grandfather served on the board of an investment bank that FDR seized during the war as German property finally made the Associated Press wire, revealing that former U. …

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