One of These Girls Believes in Remaining a Virgin until Marriage,the Otherhas Had Many Lovers.what Do Their Beliefs Tell Us about Morality? Femail,launches the Great Virginity Debate with Two Young Women's Very Differant Views about Sex

Daily Mail (London), December 11, 1996 | Go to article overview

One of These Girls Believes in Remaining a Virgin until Marriage,the Otherhas Had Many Lovers.what Do Their Beliefs Tell Us about Morality? Femail,launches the Great Virginity Debate with Two Young Women's Very Differant Views about Sex


ONE of the main reasons why I've decided to wait until marriage before I have sex is because I've seen lots of my friends getting hurt. The condom culture we live in might protect you from diseases but it certainly doesn't protect you from heartbreak.

I work with a lot of teenagers at the Oasis Trust and it's amazing how many of them really respect my point of view. One girl came up to me recently saying: `I wish I could be like you - but it's too late for me.'

She was just 15. It breaks your heart to hear things like that.

But you have to feel sorry for teenagers now. They're under so much pressure to have sex. Not just from their peers but from some teenage magazines, too. It's no wonder they end up bowing to the pressure.

That's one of the reasons why I enjoy my work so much - because I like to think I'm a positive role model as well as a good friend to them.

Another reason for remaining a virgin is that I became a Christian just before I turned 13. I was brought up in a Christian family - my father is a church minister, my mother a church worker - but I was never put under any pressure to stay a virgin. It was my own decision.

I can't say I was ever under any peer pressure to lose my virginity, but when I was growing up the sexual climate wasn't as hot as it is today.

Nowadays it's in teenage magazines, on the TV, everywhere.

Having said that, I think a big swing towards virginity has already started, if for no other reason that it's become slightly trendy. Anything that's remotely different becomes fashionable - and there's no doubt that being a virgin puts you in a minority.

But I also think there are so many problems which can arise from sex, such as Aids, abortion and teenage pregnancy, that people are looking for something else in life.

People sometimes treat sex like a purely physical act. But it's not like jogging. When you make love to someone, you're investing your soul, spirit and emotions in the act.

The sexual experience is an extremely powerful one, and if you've been sexually involved with someone, end the relationship and then go on to the next partner, the bond with the previous partner is bound to remain, which can cause problems with the new relationship.

Someone famous once told me she had had real problems dealing with the fact that her husband had had lots of sexual partners before her. She found it hard to feel secure, both physically and emotionally, because she was constantly comparing herself to his former lovers.

At least I know that when I get married my husband will be marrying me because of who I am, and not how well I can perform in bed.

I'm not scared of sex. Indeed, I'm looking forward to it. I just think that by saving it for marriage, it will be like the icing on the cake.

I've had only one boyfriend and we went out for three years. He was a great guy - a lovely personality, a good person and he was absolutely gorgeous, too.

It didn't work out in the end but that had nothing to do with my decision to remain a virgin. He respected my feelings and had the same values. We've remained very good friends.

Of course, being a virgin doesn't mean that you don't have sexual feelings and occasionally it has been tough. But when you make a decision you've got to stick to it. Kissing and cuddling is fine, but that's as far as it goes. I think it's important to lay down boundaries for yourself.

The relationship ended five years ago and I haven't been out with anyone since. That doesn't bother me at all, because I don't want to settle for second best and I don't want to go out with someone just for the sake of it.

I'd want to be friends with someone first before I got too involved.

Ideally, I'd like to marry a virgin, too, but that's not to say I'd dismiss anyone who wasn't. I'd accept the man as he is.

I'm quite upfront about my views and, on the whole, people respect it. …

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