The Ebony Advisor: Expert Advice on Love and Relationships

Ebony, May 2004 | Go to article overview

The Ebony Advisor: Expert Advice on Love and Relationships


Q I'm currently in a relationship with a man who has been my friend since junior high school. Although this might sound peachy, it isn't. Because we've been friends for so long, we know each other's wants and needs--physically, emotionally and sexually. But it's like something's holding him back from tending to my needs. He tells me he loves me and that there's no one else, but I don't know if he means it. I don't know if he's acting this way because he still sees me as his friend or if he's sneaking around on me. Am I being selfish even though I've told him what he needs to improve on?

Florida

A When you say he's not tending to your needs, what do you mean? Do you want flowers and gifts and more material goods? Do you want more help around the house? Or do you want better loving and more sex? If that is what you need, then make that clear to him. Be specific about what your physical needs are and how he can better please you sexually. Get books and videotapes and go over them together. Try role-playing and fulfilling each other's fantasies. Be creative and approach sex as a fun-filled adventure. If that doesn't work, try counseling. You certainly don't want to marry someone who is not satisfying your needs now. Experience has shown that the situation is not likely to improve with marriage.

Q I am a senior at a major Black college and I am in love with a young dentist. We are compatible in every way, but we argue a lot about money. Although she makes much more money than I do, she Insists that I pick up the check when we go out. She says that shows respect for Black womanhood. I say she needs a lesson on the economics of the new dating scene. Who's right?

Georgia

A Charlie Parker once said "romance without finance is a nuisance." Although you are compatible, you say, in other ways constant fighting and arguing about money will cool the most passionate relationship. …

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