Defining Our Own Sexual Liberation

By Hong, Y. K.; Rivera, Ingrid | Colorlines Magazine, Winter 2004 | Go to article overview

Defining Our Own Sexual Liberation


Hong, Y. K., Rivera, Ingrid, Colorlines Magazine


We believe it makes sense to live a life that allows us a right to enter into multiple intimate relationships. The notion of finding everything you've ever wanted in one person, whether a friend or lover, is a huge expectation for any person to ask for or fulfill. This is our story of how we met, found community and are building a vision together.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Ingrid's Story

I began exploring my non-monogamous sexual self after breaking up with a woman I had spent five years with. The last year of our relationship, we mutually decided to "open it up." Our life together had been very fulfilling, but we had come to the conclusion that our love for one another did not diminish the lust, attraction and need for other queer people in our lives. We embarked on a journey that most of our friends had only whispered about. It was a process that seemed natural to us but also unfamiliar. We struggled, and I believe our break-up had much to do with the lack of information and community support around this lifestyle.

Despite our foiled attempt at an alternative relationship, I was not deterred. I knew it would be difficult, but monogamy was a societal construct I did not want to be controlled by. I was called a "whore," and had my mother-hood questioned because I was supposedly setting a bad example for my daughter. I was told I would get sexually transmitted diseases and eventually live a lonely existence because of my selfishness. Regardless of these roadblocks, I continued to explore. I ventured into other open relationships, being "single" and dating several people and experimenting with primary partners and swinging.

YK's Story

My relationships have always been unconventional in some ways, whether because of my queerness, my gender identity or my color. This is one of the reasons I began a self-evaluation process to find out what felt right to me outside of the limitations of what I was told to feel, think and do.

My personal exploration of non-monogamy came about as I began to recognize that my attractions for many people were not validated when I was in relationships with one person. I felt strongly that it was healthy to name, express and pursue desire when I felt it. This desire was never limited to one single person, yet I was told by society and laws to limit myself to desire only one. Everyone was supposed to find one person. I had many different types of relationships that I cherish, that made me happy and taught me lessons. Yet through all of this, I realized society's constructs were limiting me by controlling my body, mind, sex and sexuality.

As a person who strives for personal liberation in all aspects of my life, who constantly struggles to grow and change, I want to find my own path, create my own relationships and define my own ideas of sex, sexuality, love and relationships.

Finding Community

When we met, we had been traveling our separate paths along an unwritten script of non-monogamy. As with any situation that is unknown, we had been learning through trial and error and self-exploration.

We met through our political organizing work and found that we had many things in common, including being queer people of color who are political in their non-monogamy. To us, non-monogamy is political because it strives to break from social constructions of what it means to be in any kind of relationship. It aims to break from the mentality of "I own you," which we believe comes from a capitalist idea of ownership and property.

What Is Polyamory?

Most people have many different kinds of friends--friends that are supportive, friends that you hang out to have fun with, friends that offer community and friends that give you love. We have many friends because we have many sides to each of us. Friends touch upon and access different aspects of our personality, background and experiences. …

The rest of this article is only available to active members of Questia

Already a member? Log in now.

Notes for this article

Add a new note
If you are trying to select text to create highlights or citations, remember that you must now click or tap on the first word, and then click or tap on the last word.
One moment ...
Default project is now your active project.
Project items

Items saved from this article

This article has been saved
Highlights (0)
Some of your highlights are legacy items.

Highlights saved before July 30, 2012 will not be displayed on their respective source pages.

You can easily re-create the highlights by opening the book page or article, selecting the text, and clicking “Highlight.”

Citations (0)
Some of your citations are legacy items.

Any citation created before July 30, 2012 will labeled as a “Cited page.” New citations will be saved as cited passages, pages or articles.

We also added the ability to view new citations from your projects or the book or article where you created them.

Notes (0)
Bookmarks (0)

You have no saved items from this article

Project items include:
  • Saved book/article
  • Highlights
  • Quotes/citations
  • Notes
  • Bookmarks
Notes
Cite this article

Cited article

Style
Citations are available only to our active members.
Buy instant access to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

(Einhorn, 1992, p. 25)

(Einhorn 25)

1. Lois J. Einhorn, Abraham Lincoln, the Orator: Penetrating the Lincoln Legend (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1992), 25, http://www.questia.com/read/27419298.

Cited article

Defining Our Own Sexual Liberation
Settings

Settings

Typeface
Text size Smaller Larger Reset View mode
Search within

Search within this article

Look up

Look up a word

  • Dictionary
  • Thesaurus
Please submit a word or phrase above.
Print this page

Print this page

Why can't I print more than one page at a time?

Help
Full screen

matching results for page

    Questia reader help

    How to highlight and cite specific passages

    1. Click or tap the first word you want to select.
    2. Click or tap the last word you want to select, and you’ll see everything in between get selected.
    3. You’ll then get a menu of options like creating a highlight or a citation from that passage of text.

    OK, got it!

    Cited passage

    Style
    Citations are available only to our active members.
    Buy instant access to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

    "Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences." (Einhorn, 1992, p. 25).

    "Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences." (Einhorn 25)

    "Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences."1

    1. Lois J. Einhorn, Abraham Lincoln, the Orator: Penetrating the Lincoln Legend (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1992), 25, http://www.questia.com/read/27419298.

    Cited passage

    Thanks for trying Questia!

    Please continue trying out our research tools, but please note, full functionality is available only to our active members.

    Your work will be lost once you leave this Web page.

    Buy instant access to save your work.

    Already a member? Log in now.

    Author Advanced search

    Oops!

    An unknown error has occurred. Please click the button below to reload the page. If the problem persists, please try again in a little while.