Want to Get Fired? Some Sure-Fire Tips for Management

Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, IL), July 2, 2005 | Go to article overview

Want to Get Fired? Some Sure-Fire Tips for Management


Byline: Jordan I. Shifrin

We have five seasons in Chicago. The first four are as obvious as the snowflakes on your eyelashes in January.

The fifth season is called "fire the manager." For some associations, it is an annual event.

It is not always the case of a persnickety, micro-managing click of fuss-budget board members; sometimes the management company just does not get it and should disappear.

They receive a termination letter and instead of doing some problem solving or even an exit interview, they become defensive and hostile or they just stop doing work completely.

Frequently, I am asked, "do we still have to pay them, even if they are not working" and that is a subject for another day and contingent upon what is in the contract.

But the first question to ask is why did this relationship so endearing and warm in the beginning wind up in an ugly divorce?

Here are some sure-fire tips for management companies on how to guarantee getting fired:

- When you make a mistake, always become defensive and refuse to accept responsibility . Never admit you made a mistake because that would mean you are human.

- Change managers every month because "variety is the spice of life."

- Never have the management report and minutes in the board members' hands in advance. Always hand it out at the meeting so they can see it for the first time. It is more interesting to read for the first time.

- Never write anything down or follow up. You need to constantly test whether you have a photographic memory.

- Make sure your telephone system is complicated and difficult to maneuver through. Who wants to talk to unhappy people anyway? While you're at it, never call people back in a timely fashion because by the time you do they will probably forget why they called to begin with.

- Never assist the board president in moving things along and sticking to the agenda at a meeting. After all, everyone would much rather sit around for four hours and TV rots your brain anyway.

- Do not contact the lawyers for legal advice. You certainly can read English and answer these questions and besides, if you tell the board you did, they will believe you anyway. …

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