In Seine Behaviour; PETERBOROUGH

Daily Mail (London), October 19, 2005 | Go to article overview

In Seine Behaviour; PETERBOROUGH


Byline: PETERBOROUGH

MY WIFE and I recently took a four-day golden wedding break in Paris with Eurostar, organised by a well-known travel company (Daily Mail promotions).

We were escorted around the city by our excellent guide, Richard, who gave us a continuous historic commentary in between pointing out the important sights.

We took a river trip on the Sunday, after which one lady of our number had her foot run over by a careless driver.

Fortunately, nothing was broken, but an ambulance had to be called and the police informed.

On our last day, as we travelled to the Gare du Nord to catch our train for Waterloo, Richard gave us the company's 'commercial', which he was obliged to do.

He also told us about their new website and how the system let him get instructions from Head Office to take care of all eventualities.

Possibly with the previous day's accident in mind he told us how he had to deal with such a situation. He logged in: 'Member of party had foot run over on quayside following pleasure craft excursion.' The reply came back: 'Call for ambulance, escort other party members to the Metro, call police, visit casualty in hospital, resume tour programme.' Richard explained that he tested the system further, reporting: 'Member of party had foot run over on quayside following pleasure boat excursion. Other member fell into River Seine.' The reply was: 'Call for ambulance, escort other party members to the Metro, call police, return to quayside, see if second member has been rescued, visit casualty in hospital, resume tour programme.' Encouraged by the efficiency of his company's system, he decided to up the ante yet again.

'Member of party had foot run over on quayside following pleasure boat excursion.

Other member fell into River Seine. Most of the rest of the party still aboard pleasure craft, which has sunk.' The reply was: 'Call for ambulance, escort other party members to the Metro, call police, visit casualty in hospital, return to quayside, see if second member has been rescued, take off your tie, throw it away, mingle with the crowd.' Michael Longley, Tadworth, Surrey.

Joke

A BUILDER was telling his friend about a property they were demolishing.

He said: 'Behind this wall, we found a skeleton with a gold medal round his neck.' His friend asked what was on the medal.

The builder replied: 'Great Britain Hide and Seek Champion, 1891.'

Ted Webb, Dartford, Kent.

Sign language

Deadly directions: Seen in Vancouver by Ray and Wendy Watson of Stoke Bishop, Bristol.

Out of the mouths of babes

MY NEPHEW, Dennis, aged four, finished his first day of school in high spirits. His mum asked him what his teacher was like, to which he replied: 'She is hairy and hangs upside down like a bat.' How can you possibly reply to that?

Helen Bone, Holsworthy, Devon.

WHILE we were visiting family in Ireland, my wife beckoned our three-year-old granddaughter Rachael to come to the back door.

'Look, Rachael, there's a caterpillar climbing up the door,' Gran said.

Rachael ran into the house and said: 'Come quick, Granddad, and see the crappmerkiller! …

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