GREAT FAKING IT DEBATE; Fay Weldon Claims That Faking Orgasms Will Make Women Happy. A Simple Way to Get a Good Night's Sleep,or a Dangerous Betrayal of Womanhood?

Daily Mail (London), September 8, 2006 | Go to article overview

GREAT FAKING IT DEBATE; Fay Weldon Claims That Faking Orgasms Will Make Women Happy. A Simple Way to Get a Good Night's Sleep,or a Dangerous Betrayal of Womanhood?


Byline: FAY WELDON

YES YESTERDAY one of Britain's best-known feminists, Fay Weldon, sparked controversy when, in an extract from her latest book, she advocated that the route to happiness for women is to fake orgasms. In What Makes Women Happy she urges 'happy, generous-minded women, who are not too hung up about emotional honesty' to 'do yourself a favour, sister, fake it'. So is she right?

WRITER Liz Jones lives in London with her husband, novelist Nirpal Dhaliwal.

She says: THIS is the scenario. It is 10.30pm, you have to be up at 7am, and your husband or boyfriend is valiantly trying to give you an orgasm. You tell him what to do, you concentrate really hard but, after half an hour, it is just not happening. So you do a few 'ooohs' and 'arrgghs', breathe in short gasps, then tell him jolly well done.

Mainly, we girls fake it because we want to be able to get some sleep or watch Frasier. Men think that banging away for ages is something we enjoy, so we have to fake it to make them stop. We don't want to discourage them from trying again, but the truth is: very, very few men can bring a woman to orgasm every time.

So many factors come into play for a woman to achieve a climax: we need to have finished the ironing, put the rubbish out and waxed our legs.

None of my first three boyfriends was able to bring me to a climax, but I still loved them (well, one of them) and wanted to have sex with them because it made me feel normal and desired. So I faked it.

If we were to tell a man at the end of a lovemaking session that we just didn't get there, he will blame us, never himself; oh dear Lord, he might even try doing it all over again.

My husband thinks he can spot a fake orgasm.

He can't. No man can. Women are too good at it.

If we were to be remotely honest about our man's performance, we would never get to have any sex at all, or hugs, or kisses, or help in the kitchen, because men cannot take criticism, least of all about their masculinity.

Men: this is what women do. Once you have fallen asleep, which you will moments after your head hits the pillow, we do it ourselves. So much quicker and easier.

NO ROWAN PELLING is a former editor of The Erotic Review. She says: FAY WELDON is an inspired controversialist, but her latest pronouncement is bonkers.

What she seems to be advocating is a form of domestic prostitution, where women robotically tell their man how big and clever he is for pushing all their buttons, even though it's a sham.

She says too much emotional honesty can lead to unhappiness. But how can continued emotional mendacity lead to happiness? Most women will store a grudge if their spouse is routinely getting more sexual satisfaction than they are.

Can you imagine the distress felt by a man who thinks of himself as a master lover when suddenly confronted by his partner saying she hasn't had an orgasm in the past eight years?

Where I do agree with Fay Weldon is that sex has become far too goal-orientated. I say there's no dishonour - and not necessarily any shortfall of pleasure - in not having an orgasm.

All faking achieves is the erroneous belief by men that the sexual response in women is a lot less complex than they had been led to believe.

Ergo, sex becomes more goal-orientated because men are tricked into believing that 'normal' intercourse always involves a woman rolling her eyes and shrieking: 'Yes, yes, yes!' Women who don't perform such theatrics will swiftly be written off as suffering from sexual dysfunction - rather than being standard issue females who require a degree of skilled foreplay.

Weldon says that since only one in ten women always achieve orgasm during sex, we should accept that sexual imbalance is inevitable.

What she doesn't say is that the majority of women in their sexual prime can achieve orgasm most of the time (you don't hear of many women failing to climax when they DIY, do you? …

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