My Head's Buzzin' with Jackie Chant; THE 29TH OLYMPICS... Beijing 2008 HULLAW THERR CHINA Wan Ton Gary Ralston's Diary
Byline: Wan Ton Gary Ralston
JACKIE CHAN can throw some wicked martial arts moves - and hold a mean note in a bestselling song.
Once the back of the boss is turned, log onto You Tube and click on Beijing Huan Ying Ni, the unofficial anthem of the Olympics.
It's basically Band Aid, Beijing-style and you can't move over here without hearing it blaring from taxis, shops and the middle of your head when you're trying to sleep at night.
Jackie gives a virtuoso performance standing on the Great Wall, along with other stars from the world of Chinese rock, pop and entertainment.
Lyrically, it isn't exactly Woody Guthrie - Beijing Huan Ying Ni means "Beijing welcomes you" - but it isn't half catchy.
Bizarrely, one line translates as: "Even the aroma of tea is filled with care and friendship."
Another goes: "We seed in the soil of tradition to commemorate your joyful stay here."
My favourite is an absolute stunner who sings: "The front door of my home is always unlocked, waiting for you with my arms open."
Hang on a minute, I think my big mate Ross McEwan from the Post Office in Stirling has told me about her . . .
The organising committee of the Olympics have trumpeted their eco-friendly policies, including a plan to recycle half of all waste created during the Games.
That's all very laudable until you see the Olympic flame atop the Bird's Nest, alight 24 hours a day and belching out fire from fossil fuels high into the sky like the Grangemouth refinery on overtime.
One of the big-hitter columnists over here from an English newspaper has a well-known bidey-in - Carol Vorderman.
I'm thinking of telling him I watched his missus on Countdown the other week and got aroused.
Seven letters .. not bad!
Chris Hoy has been a huge hit in these Olympic Games on the cycling track and his old man David has been an absolute star off it.
Agenerous, friendly big fellow with a smile as wide as his waistband, he has waved the Union Flag enthusiastically with wife Carol and the rest of the family and friends for every single British athlete in the velodrome, not just their boy. …