According to the Guardian, Ed Stafford, a former army captain from Leicester, has advertised for a companion "for a 3,000-mile Amazon trek -must have own iPod". Other must-haves include "a GSOH" and "no fear of snakes or gun-toting guerrillas". We wanted adverts for companions involving activities that might need judicious wording in order to get some brave soul to sign up

Well done. [pounds sterling]20 to each of the four winners, the best of whom (Brian D Allingham) also gets the Tesco vouchers for going that extra mile. An hon mensh to El Basilio.

Stalwart companion and hands-free PDA/BlackBerry Google Earth operator required for glorious late-Alpine season. Endless variety of stimulating challenges. GHFH. Must have valid public liability insurance, EU passport and GP certification of continence. Hand-jamb experience essential, working knowledge of belay, invert rappel and free-fall mitigation preferred. Background in dynamic thermoplastic elastomers, ruberoid mechanics or applied learning of Hook's Law and/or ballistics helpful. Quick-release harness training available for the right applicant. Couples considered, no dependants or pets (except for St Bernards). Membership of Brotherhood of St Christoph useful, but not essential.

John Griffiths-Colby

Spin doctor and trusted friend required for prudent leader of major political party, currently in government. Rewarding post for right applicant with desire to work for a brief time at the very heart of British politics and to be involved at a time of significant change. Must relish a challenge. GSOH, vivid creative imagination, no fear of snakes and good knowledge of strategies for dealing with knife crime in Westminster area essential. Must be prepared to operate on a no-win, no-fee basis. Creative writing qualification desirable. …