Byline: Jennifer Harper, THE WASHINGTON TIMES
Mr. Limbaugh. Mr. Rush Limbaugh. Paging Mr. Limbaugh: The Republican party is looking for you to tell them which end is up and what planet they live on.
Maybe they should write an ode to you in iambic pentameter, or an anthem. Maybe they could name a new cocktail for you - the Rushtini, or the Rushmopolitan. Why not? You're annoying White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel. And you're a role model, too. Mr. Limbaugh, you are driving Republican culture and discourse with your mellifluous voice, one of the few outside stimuli that the GOP is responding to at this point.
Well sir, if you can get Republicans and conservatives grounded, ready to rumble and united at least on a few basic points, then hurray. Huzzah. Rushtinis all around. But remember that the GOP has woken up on the wrong side of the polling booth and is crabby, indeed. Kindly inform them not to foul their own nest or beat up on one another too much - particularly Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, as he is only trying to provide a grand new demeanor for a Grand Old Party.
And please, tell the GOP not to get paranoid if they can't Twitter or don't understand branding - but warn them in baleful tones if they've forgotten, say, the Constitution.
Oh, and kudos for getting in there, Mr. Limbaugh, and grappling with critics, fans, toxic press, has-beens, hopefuls, the eager and the beleaguered. It's not easy; this is an activity without formal protocol. Some say it's sport. I say the clock is running. This is not a practice match. So grapple on, bud.
Limbaugh doesn't solve the problems of the Republican Party and the conservative movement, but he certainly can put some starch in the drawers for Republicans and conservatives who lately have had very little to get themselves excited about. Until an overarching message can be constructed and the party repositioned to compete in this vastly different and challenging world we are in today, Rush is a tonic badly needed in the party and the movement, says Charlie Cook of the National Journal.
Hurrah. Some levity amidst the econo-blues. Los Angeles-based political entrepreneur Anthony Russell is now offering The Greedy Stockbroker, a pet chew toy modeled after former financier Bernie Madoff.
It's a way to get even, Mr. Russell says - part of his line of Political Pet Toys that makes weird chewables for restless dogs, though maybe the owners should also sample them. It would make sense.
Our best-seller for eight straight years was the George W. Bush pet chew toy, Mr. Russell notes. The global financial crisis was a no-brainer for our next toy. I mean, if you committed a holdup and stole five grand from a bank you would be in jail an hour later. But if you steal $50 billion dollars you get bail and keep staying in your Park Avenue apartment. …