So Much to Say: Gays May Ridicule Him about His Fascination with the Dave Matthews Band, but Author and Journalist Benoit Denizet-Lewis Loves the Group's Front Man and Is Not Afraid to Admit It

By Denizet-Lewis, Benoit | The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine), September 2009 | Go to article overview

So Much to Say: Gays May Ridicule Him about His Fascination with the Dave Matthews Band, but Author and Journalist Benoit Denizet-Lewis Loves the Group's Front Man and Is Not Afraid to Admit It


Denizet-Lewis, Benoit, The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)


[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

BACK WHEN PEOPLE purchased their music in stores (and, thankfully, could not yet Twitter about it--Just passed a hottie on the escalator at Virgin!), a former boyfriend and I went CD shopping. I don't like shopping, especially on a Saturday when I could be watching college football, but that afternoon I practically skipped to the local record store, where he bought some obscure German CD that his hipster friends were raving about and I grabbed the latest album from my favorite group, the Dave Matthews Band.

"You're the weirdest gay," he muttered as I drove us home blasting DMB the whole way. "And what are you going to do now--play beer pong with some frat boys?"

I just might, I told him, causing him to gasp in the same way he had when I'd announced earlier in the day that I would happily cheat on him if Dave Matthews ever wanted to, you know, "crash into me," to borrow the title of one of his most popular songs. Never mind that Dave wasn't my type (he was over 30, for one) or that he was married--to a woman. I had still fallen madly and unexpectedly in love with him five years before at Northwestern University when my fraternity brothers dragged me to one of his shows.

The brothers and I didn't share a musical aesthetic (they eagerly mocked my Tori Amos collection), but with the help of some unexpectedly stellar weed from New Jersey, we bonded that night over the jazzy, jam-band sound of Dave and his talented bandmates. I went out the next day and bought the group's CD, and I was one of the first in line to buy their latest, Big Whiskey & the Groogrux King, which came out this summer.

But Dave Matthews is best appreciated in concert, and I've appreciated him nearly 50 times, often dragging along my gay friends, who bitch and moan until they see thousands of hot guys (some accompanied by girlfriends, sadly) dancing to music that my friends invariably end up liking. "This is actually pretty fun," they say.

How to explain my DMB obsession? According to my former therapist, it is yet another example of my unwillingness to grow up. …

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