To Walk with Ghosts

By Ware, Michael | Newsweek, May 2, 2011 | Go to article overview

To Walk with Ghosts


Ware, Michael, Newsweek


Byline: Michael Ware

A former CNN correspondent recalls the pain of war and the 'lost love' who saved him.

The news bludgeoned me on a sunny Australian morning. Tim Hetherington and Chris Hondros had been killed on a rebel front, in a besieged city, bearing witness.

I last saw Tim in Brooklyn. In what was the worst and darkest of all years for me, 2009, Tim lived a few doors down the hallway in a Williamsburg warehouse converted to a warren of lofts. For me, it was the first time since 9/11 that I'd attempted to live outside of war, and I hit New York like a meteor plunging to earth. Each day, I vanished a little bit more on that black living-room couch until I was transparent, if not invisible altogether. Writhing with a pain I couldn't understand, I caused nothing but pain to those around me. And yet there was Tim.

Though Tim and I hadn't known each other in war but in Brooklyn, we easily recognized the war within each other. In a quiet moment, one of all too few I was lucky to have with him, I remember him telling of the trial it was merely venturing outside and shopping at the store on our corner barely a block away.

That tore at me, for it was something I struggled with too, though far less stoically than he did. While I spent that year inanely trying to dull my pain, leaving the apartment rarely save for CNN live shots or visiting more war, Tim, it seemed to me, persevered. And did so with a quiet, elegant grace, distinguishing him from the white noise that was anyone else I met at that time. He was a man I hoped to be, but now know I shall never become.

Chris I remember well from far too many war zones. Seeing him was always a pleasure, his presence never failing to offer respite from whatever mayhem surrounded us. I search now in the bowels of my computer for our correspondence, long since truncated by the isolation of my own selfish retreat into personal horrors. Way down here in Brisbane, I howl with fury into the night for archives I didn't save or which were lost with the demise of each of my computers battered in Iraq. I just felt him slip tremendously away, a sense of my betrayal at failing him further souring me.

In the field, where, as the soldiers say, "the meat meets the metal," I've found that I gravitate to photographers, the ones who come the closest to revealing the truth, even if we never get to the entire truth. In war, everyone lies; their government, our government, the rebels--even civilians lie through exaggeration or confusion. But what we can get is the shards of truth, like Tim's photo of a wretchedly filthy, dog-tired American grunt in the Korengal Valley, holding his face in his hand, or Chris's picture of a little girl with her parents' blood splattered over her dress, after American soldiers killed them at a Tal Afar checkpoint. …

The rest of this article is only available to active members of Questia

Already a member? Log in now.

Notes for this article

Add a new note
If you are trying to select text to create highlights or citations, remember that you must now click or tap on the first word, and then click or tap on the last word.
One moment ...
Default project is now your active project.
Project items

Items saved from this article

This article has been saved
Highlights (0)
Some of your highlights are legacy items.

Highlights saved before July 30, 2012 will not be displayed on their respective source pages.

You can easily re-create the highlights by opening the book page or article, selecting the text, and clicking “Highlight.”

Citations (0)
Some of your citations are legacy items.

Any citation created before July 30, 2012 will labeled as a “Cited page.” New citations will be saved as cited passages, pages or articles.

We also added the ability to view new citations from your projects or the book or article where you created them.

Notes (0)
Bookmarks (0)

You have no saved items from this article

Project items include:
  • Saved book/article
  • Highlights
  • Quotes/citations
  • Notes
  • Bookmarks
Notes
Cite this article

Cited article

Style
Citations are available only to our active members.
Buy instant access to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

(Einhorn, 1992, p. 25)

(Einhorn 25)

1. Lois J. Einhorn, Abraham Lincoln, the Orator: Penetrating the Lincoln Legend (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1992), 25, http://www.questia.com/read/27419298.

Cited article

To Walk with Ghosts
Settings

Settings

Typeface
Text size Smaller Larger Reset View mode
Search within

Search within this article

Look up

Look up a word

  • Dictionary
  • Thesaurus
Please submit a word or phrase above.
Print this page

Print this page

Why can't I print more than one page at a time?

Help
Full screen

matching results for page

    Questia reader help

    How to highlight and cite specific passages

    1. Click or tap the first word you want to select.
    2. Click or tap the last word you want to select, and you’ll see everything in between get selected.
    3. You’ll then get a menu of options like creating a highlight or a citation from that passage of text.

    OK, got it!

    Cited passage

    Style
    Citations are available only to our active members.
    Buy instant access to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

    "Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences." (Einhorn, 1992, p. 25).

    "Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences." (Einhorn 25)

    "Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences."1

    1. Lois J. Einhorn, Abraham Lincoln, the Orator: Penetrating the Lincoln Legend (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1992), 25, http://www.questia.com/read/27419298.

    Cited passage

    Thanks for trying Questia!

    Please continue trying out our research tools, but please note, full functionality is available only to our active members.

    Your work will be lost once you leave this Web page.

    Buy instant access to save your work.

    Already a member? Log in now.

    Oops!

    An unknown error has occurred. Please click the button below to reload the page. If the problem persists, please try again in a little while.