Pondering Parental Pedigrees

By Bianchi, Mike | The Florida Times Union, May 2, 1999 | Go to article overview

Pondering Parental Pedigrees


Bianchi, Mike, The Florida Times Union


Running off at the typewriter. . . .

Horse racing is the only sport where the parental pedigree of the competitors is a big deal. Imagine if human sports were like this. We could mate Cal Ripken Jr. and Paula Jones and come up with the consummate ballplayer who doesn't know when to quit. Or we could mate Latrell Sprewell and Oprah Winfrey and come up with a good basketball player who likes to choke cattle. . . . Speaking of horses: Did you hear the one about the horse who walked into the tavern. The bartender says, "Hey, pal, why the long face?" . . . Instead of bombing Belgrade, why not beam in continuous TV waves of Marty Schottenheimer as an NFL analyst? We could bore Milosevic into surrender. . . . I'm announcing my retirement today. I'd like to spend more time with John Elway's family. . . .

JU basketball is reportedly considering a move out of the Coliseum and back into decrepit Swisher Gym. That's like moving from a shanty into a cardboard box. Unless there is some sort of firm commitment for building a new on-campus facility, an indefinite move to Swisher will decimate recruiting. No decent high school player is going to agree to play in a Quonset hut for four years. . . . Is it just me or this NBA season harder to read than Nietzsche? . . . Steve Rushin of Sports Illustrated doesn't buy into NASCAR's rising popularity: "Race fans, I inferred from my one visit to the Indianapolis 500, fell into one of two categories: tattooed, shirtless, sewer-mouthed drunks, and their husbands." . . .

JU coach Hugh Durham before getting inducted into the Florida Sports Hall of Fame earlier this week: "I always tell my players, if you can sleep with your eyes open and a smile on your face, you'll never flunk a class." . . . Coming in December, 2000: The Silicon Valley Bowl to be played in San Jose, Calif. At long last, a holiday spot for the SEC's 11th-place team. . . . I'm afraid it's true: Albert Belle now has his own cereal on the market in Baltimore. One bite and you'll sulk all day. And that snap, crackle and pop you hear is not the cereal, it's Albert smashing my laptop. . . . Phoenix coach Danny Ainge on former Chicago center Luc Longley, now with the Suns: "He boxes out real well. …

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