How Can I Find Love after Facing So Much Torment? No Pain, No Palm; No Thorns, No Throne; No Gall, No Glory; No Cross, No crown.WILLIAM PENN (1644-1718) ENGLISH WRITER, QUAKER AND FOUNDER OF PENNSYLVANIA

Daily Mail (London), April 18, 2019 | Go to article overview

How Can I Find Love after Facing So Much Torment? No Pain, No Palm; No Thorns, No Throne; No Gall, No Glory; No Cross, No crown.WILLIAM PENN (1644-1718) ENGLISH WRITER, QUAKER AND FOUNDER OF PENNSYLVANIA


Byline: BEL MOONEY

DEAR BEL, ONE of your responses to a reader's letter left a deep impression in my heart. Your reply to Jane (published on December 27, 2018) was loving and heartening, and I'm sure it brought comfort to countless readers, as it did for me.

You told Jane: 'There is always hope, always possibility,' and encouraged her to see that she could 'fly'. Now it is me who needs encouragement.

I have reached some pinch points along my long, arduous journey to selflove and self-acceptance. I'm 40 and have been painfully shy for most of my life.

I experienced traumatic domestic violence for close to two decades while growing up.

When I left school, I felt I had lost my self-esteem and ability to communicate. I couldn't look most people in the eye when they asked me a question, but did find solace in literature, classical music and films.

My parents discouraged everything I did. I've now severed ties with them, and my whole family, although sometimes they are unwelcome visitors in unpleasant dreams.

I met my former husband when I had very low self-esteem; we were married for a few years and I have no ill feelings towards him. I studied arts at university and now work in education. I love my job but dealing with adults still poses difficulty.

Slowly I've been learning to set healthy boundaries for myself. I was only able to articulate this, in these exact terms, a few years ago. At first I only noticed I had trouble saying 'no' to others, and that plagued me immeasurably.

Learning to set personal boundaries, to say 'no' whenever I want, has been formidable! I've made huge progress over the past few years.

I long for a partner, but I know I have to learn to love and accept myself unconditionally first. I still struggle with this.

Sometimes I feel deeply alone.

I don't know if I will meet a kindhearted and sensitive man. (If he happens to love literature and music and arts, that will be wonderful.) But I know I have to do my work first. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed.

I'd love you to give me some encouragement and maybe others would benefit, as I did from your advice to Jane.

GIULIETTA FOR me it is very gratifying to hear a response on this page can so reverberate, so thank you for telling me.

Sometimes I daydream that we're all taking part in a great conversation, which can be enlightening, usually rather worrying, and always confusing as we struggle towards understanding the human condition. …

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How Can I Find Love after Facing So Much Torment? No Pain, No Palm; No Thorns, No Throne; No Gall, No Glory; No Cross, No crown.WILLIAM PENN (1644-1718) ENGLISH WRITER, QUAKER AND FOUNDER OF PENNSYLVANIA
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