Men and Women Divided by the Same Language
Bright, John, The Birmingham Post (England)
Men are from Mars and women from Venus, according to the book.
This is almost certainly the reason they don't understand each other - because they must speak different languages.
Here, then, is a quick guide to some of the most commonly used phrases between the sexes and exactly what they mean.
THE MEN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN REALLY WANTS WHEN SHE SAYS...
We need = I want.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset you moron!
I need wedding shoes = The other 40 pairs I have are the wrong shade of white.
You're so...manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep and I'm still awake.
Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something you're not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me .
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead.
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to cook, so you'd better get used to it.
I'm not yelling = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.
THE WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN REALLY WANTS....
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? …