Doesa Friendly Touch Really Make Me into an Evil Sex Pest?; Dr VERNON COLEMAN'S CASEBOOK
Coleman, Vernon, The People (London, England)
QI Was interested to read your story about sexual harassment at work. Something similar happened to me. I too lost my business after being accused of sexual harassment. I had touched a girl on the shoulder - a habit I'd had for years when talking to people.
What do you think about these huge payments being made to women who claim they have been subjected to sexual harassment while working for publicly- owned and run organisations?
Who pays these damages?
AYou pay but I don't see why you should. If a policeman, a soldier or anyone else working for a State-owned and run organisation (or, for that matter, a commercial organisation) can prove he or she has been sexually harassed then the person or people guilty of the harassment should pay the bill - not you and I or the shareholders.
Having said that, I suspect that a good many of the sexual harassment lawsuits which will be brought in the future will be frivolous and inspired more by the chance of obtaining a cash jackpot than through any real sense of damage.
It is absurd that someone who has been complimented on her appearance should receive vast sums of money in compensation while a rape victim receives nothing. There should be statutory levels of compensation to be paid by those found guilty of sexual harassment. I suggest pounds 5 for openly peering down a prominently-displayed cleavage and pounds 50 for pinching a ripe bottom.
At the same time those found guilty of provocative behaviour (such as having too many blouse buttons undone) should also be liable to a variety of fixed fines. I suggest pounds 5 for openly displaying a prominent cleavage and pounds 50 for wearing skintight jeans in a pubic place.
QI Masturbate several times a week. Is this likely to damage my health?
AThe only hazard is that if you do this too often you could become a politician. An American University in Ohio has an officially-recognised Masturbation Society.
Enthusiasts tell any lonely student who is interested to "come by yourself". You can obtain more advice, information and handy hints about playing with yourself by dialling 0839 446 652 (charges as for my other Helplines).
QIt is outrageous that you dare to criticise AIDS fund-raisers. AIDS is the most important disease of the century and it is a disgrace that so little effort and money is put into fighting it.
AI Recently visited a vast number of medical bookshops. Most of them had enormous quantities of books about AIDS which had been written by and for research workers but very few or no books about AIDS which had been written for practising doctors or patients.
On the other hand, while the shops were well stocked with books dealing with the practical aspects of subjects as varied as cancer, heart disease and backache there were very few books on these important subjects written by or for research workers. The message seems clear. For nearly a decade now AIDS has been a bonanza for research workers and social workers around the world and vast amounts of money - literally billions of dollars - have been wasted on worthless research (much of it involving animals) and absurd sociology projects.
If all the money wasted on AIDS had been spent sensibly there would be far less suffering in the world today.
QYour recent comments about the police, the law and the Home Secretary were ill-informed, speculative, dangerous nonsense.
As a Conservative Member of Parliament I intend to ask questions about your absurd column at the highest levels. You are a menace to society and the sooner you are stopped the better.
AOh pooey! Who cares what you think? Who is paying you to ask the questions?
How long will it be before the police are allowed to destroy evidence before a case comes to court to prevent the defence picking holes in it?
(If berfuhrer von Howard had thought of this he would probably have done it already). …