Lankford, Edward K., Skeptic (Altadena, CA)
New Theory: God Did It!
WASHINGTON D.C. (AP)--At a press conference today at the headquarters of the National Academy of Sciences, leading scientists from around the world released a startling statement "God did it."
Making the historic announcement was noted Harvard paleontologist Stephen J. Gould, author of numerous books on evolution. "For generations, we scientists have devoted our lives to finding answers to the riddles of the universe," said Gould, "and now we finally know!"
The announcement came after a month long moratorium on science that resulted from a letter the world's religious leaders sent to every known scientist asking them to seriously consider "the God hypothesis."
"At first, I threw the letter in the trash," said Richard Dawkins, renowned evolutionist and author of The Blind Watchmaker, who joined Gould at the podium. "But then, although I had heard such claims before, this time it just seemed like I should consider it seriously."
The letter, signed by religious leaders as diverse as Pope John Paul II and John Travolta, urged scientists to "stop your atrocious deitectomy and think about the ramifications of your actions."
Within two weeks, a secret council of principal scientists from every field gathered at the NAS to discuss "the God hypothesis."
"We were unsure at first where to start," said cosmologist Timothy Ferris. "I mean, it was so radical compared to everything we had ever thought of before."
"There were many arguments and even a few fist fights broke out on the floor," said psychologist Susan Blackmore. "It wasn't until someone pointed out all the gaps in our knowledge that serious debate began."
Two-time Pulitzer Prize winning biologist Edward O. Wilson, sporting a black eye, explained what happened next: "We all knew that we haven't figured everything out and we began asking the tough question: if we don't know, how do we explain it? Eventually, 'God did it' became the buzz phrase."
According to some reports, world-famous cosmologist and wheelchair-bound Stephen Hawking was the only holdout as the council neared its end Sunday. …