Battle-of-the-Sexes Remake Should Be Voted off the Island
Gire, Dann, Daily Herald (Arlington Heights, IL)
Byline: Dann Gire Daily Herald Film Critic
out of four
Written and directed by Guy Ritchie; based on Lina Wertmuller's movie. Produced by Matthew Vaughn. A Screen Gems release. Rated R (language, sexual situations, brief nudity). Running time: 93 minutes.
Giuseppe Adriano Giannini
Tony Bruce Greenwood
Captain Yorgo Voyagis
With Jeanne Tripplehorn and Elizabeth Banks.
Amber, a selfish, spoiled trophy wife played by Madonna, becomes outraged that a lowly fisherman has insulted her.
She hauls off and slaps him.
The fisherman doesn't miss a beat in returning the favor.
"You can't slap a woman!" she screeches.
Yes, he can. And for the next few weeks, he continues to abuse his former employer. He slaps her, kicks her, pushes her, insults her and almost rapes her.
Because on a deserted island, no one can hear you scream.
In a movie theater, everyone can hear you groan. And a lot of patrons at a Tuesday preview of "Swept Away" groaned at Guy Ritchie's latest movie, although they did seem to enjoy watching his wife, Madonna, be abused.
Amber accompanies her rich, dullard husband Tony (Bruce Greenwood) on a yacht trip to Italy and Greece.
With her facial skin stretched taut over her skull and her expression frozen in a ghastly scowl, Amber terrorizes the crew with her incessant demands and childish tirades.
She heaps special scorn on a fisherman named Giuseppe (Adriano Giannini), an Italian who can't stand the harpy.
"Give me a knife!" he bellows to his crew mates. "I will cut her heart out!" Two cooks instantly offer their biggest blades.
Then, fate intervenes. At sea, Amber demands that Peepee (as she calls him) take her on a sight-seeing tour. The outboard motor fails, and the two become stranded on an island so deserted, even Gilligan can't find it. …