Dick Gephardt in 2004 ST. Louis, Mo

By Waldman, Steve | The Washington Monthly, April 2003 | Go to article overview

Dick Gephardt in 2004 ST. Louis, Mo


Waldman, Steve, The Washington Monthly


To: DICK GEPHARDT

FROM: TUCKER CARTER, POLITICAL CONSULTANT

RE: BECOMING MORE JEWISH

DICK, THE RECENT REVELATIONS THAT MOST OF THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES HAVE JEWISH ROOTS REQUIRES US TO TAKE SWIFT ACTION. JUST TO REVIEW THE RECENT NEWS: HOWARD DEAN'S WIFE AND KIDS ARE JEWISH, DENNIS KUCINICH KEEPS KOSHER (BECAUSE OF HIS JEWISH GIRLFRIEND), GENERAL WESLEY CLARK COMES FROM A LINE OF RABBIS IN MINSK, HILLARY CLINTON'S GRANDMOTHER MARRIED SOMEONE NAMED MAX ROSENBERG, AND JOHN KERRY, OF ALL PEOPLE, LEARNED THAT BOTH HIS PATERNAL GRANDPARENTS WERE JEWISH (KERRY WAS ORIGINALLY KOHN).

CALL ME PARANOID, BUT I SUSPECT THESE CANDIDATES SAW HOW WELL THE JEWISH THING POLLED FOR JOE LIEBERMAN AND DID SOME CREATIVE GENEALOGY TO COME UP WITH JEWISH ROOTS. KERRY'S POLLING, IN FACT, REVEALED A 6% HIKE IN HIS FAVORABLES WHEN VOTERS WERE ASKED, "HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF IT TURNED OUT THAT SENATOR KERRY HAD JEWISH ROOTS?" THIS POLLED MUCH HIGHER THAN WHEN THEY ASKED ABOUT HINDUISM OR BAHA'I.

MY POLLING SHOWS A SIMILAR PATTERN. APPARENTLY, WHILE BEING JEWISH USED TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH GREED, DISLOYALTY, AND PUSHINESS, IT NOW IS ASSOCIATED WITH GOOD SATS, STRONG FAMILIES, AND FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY.

UNFORTUNATELY, WE'RE TOO LATE TO SIMPLY FIND SOME JEWISH ANCESTORS FOR YOU. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DEVISE WAYS FOR YOU TO SEEM JEWISH DESPITE THE BAGGAGE OF HAVING ALL GENTILE ANCESTORS.

A FEW IDEAS:

1) ANNOUNCE YOU ARE LACTOSE-INTOLERANT. MOST CANDIDATES HAVE SOME MEDICAL PROBLEM, AND IF YOURS IS LACTOSE INTOLERANCE, A COMMON AFFLICTION OF EUROPEAN JEWS, YOU CAN IMPLY THAT YOU HAVE JEWISH ROOTS WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO PROVE IT.

2) THROW YIDDISH INTO STUMP SPEECHES. TRY GETTING THE CROWD TO CHANT, "BUSH IS A SCHMUCK; DON'T BUY HIS SHTICK. …

The rest of this article is only available to active members of Questia

Already a member? Log in now.

Notes for this article

Add a new note
If you are trying to select text to create highlights or citations, remember that you must now click or tap on the first word, and then click or tap on the last word.
One moment ...
Default project is now your active project.
Project items

Items saved from this article

This article has been saved
Highlights (0)
Some of your highlights are legacy items.

Highlights saved before July 30, 2012 will not be displayed on their respective source pages.

You can easily re-create the highlights by opening the book page or article, selecting the text, and clicking “Highlight.”

Citations (0)
Some of your citations are legacy items.

Any citation created before July 30, 2012 will labeled as a “Cited page.” New citations will be saved as cited passages, pages or articles.

We also added the ability to view new citations from your projects or the book or article where you created them.

Notes (0)
Bookmarks (0)

You have no saved items from this article

Project items include:
  • Saved book/article
  • Highlights
  • Quotes/citations
  • Notes
  • Bookmarks
Notes
Cite this article

Cited article

Style
Citations are available only to our active members.
Buy instant access to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

(Einhorn, 1992, p. 25)

(Einhorn 25)

1. Lois J. Einhorn, Abraham Lincoln, the Orator: Penetrating the Lincoln Legend (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1992), 25, http://www.questia.com/read/27419298.

Cited article

Dick Gephardt in 2004 ST. Louis, Mo
Settings

Settings

Typeface
Text size Smaller Larger Reset View mode
Search within

Search within this article

Look up

Look up a word

  • Dictionary
  • Thesaurus
Please submit a word or phrase above.
Print this page

Print this page

Why can't I print more than one page at a time?

Help
Full screen

matching results for page

    Questia reader help

    How to highlight and cite specific passages

    1. Click or tap the first word you want to select.
    2. Click or tap the last word you want to select, and you’ll see everything in between get selected.
    3. You’ll then get a menu of options like creating a highlight or a citation from that passage of text.

    OK, got it!

    Cited passage

    Style
    Citations are available only to our active members.
    Buy instant access to cite pages or passages in MLA, APA and Chicago citation styles.

    "Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences." (Einhorn, 1992, p. 25).

    "Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences." (Einhorn 25)

    "Portraying himself as an honest, ordinary person helped Lincoln identify with his audiences."1

    1. Lois J. Einhorn, Abraham Lincoln, the Orator: Penetrating the Lincoln Legend (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1992), 25, http://www.questia.com/read/27419298.

    Cited passage

    Thanks for trying Questia!

    Please continue trying out our research tools, but please note, full functionality is available only to our active members.

    Your work will be lost once you leave this Web page.

    Buy instant access to save your work.

    Already a member? Log in now.

    Author Advanced search

    Oops!

    An unknown error has occurred. Please click the button below to reload the page. If the problem persists, please try again in a little while.