Indecision Can Become Your Decision?; Monday

By Rollins, Mheegan | New Haven Register (New Haven, CT), February 5, 2012 | Go to article overview

Indecision Can Become Your Decision?; Monday


Rollins, Mheegan, New Haven Register (New Haven, CT)


William James, a pioneering psychologist who lived from 1842 to 1910, said, "When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice."

Put more simply, "Indecision becomes decision with time." (Author Unknown).

I've seen this in my clients. When I was younger, it was a problem for me as well. We become paralyzed by the possibility of making a wrong decision that we don't make one.

By the time we get the benefit of hindsight, it's too late.

But there are no wrong decisions, only decisions that don't gel with who we are. That's why asking numerous people for advice can be more effective in defining what you don't want rather than what you do. You're receiving advice based on what they'd do.

When I realized the opportunity choice afforded me, I began to fully realize that choice is power, a way to take control of my life, determine where I wanted to go and what I wanted to happen. I began writing down each option I could think of; even the absurd ones. Crossing those out was empowering. I didn't feel as helpless.

Then, for the remaining ones, I'd ask, "What's the worst that could happen?" and "How do I feel if I make this choice?" And I began to notice my body was giving me cues about what I thought. I could narrow the list down further because for some, I'd think, "That's not me."

Lengthy unemployment is sometimes connected to the inability to make a choice.

"Should I answer this ad? What if it's a bad company?"

"Should I stay in my career? I'm not very happy. But what would I do instead?"

"My money is disappearing fast. Should I spend some to get help? How do I know I'll see a return for what I spent?"

Choices become easier when you view the outcome as a process of smaller choices. It's easier to discern what's you and what's not you, thus you're led by an inner wisdom that logic can't necessarily fathom.

For instance, following up on interviews or resumes is frightening for many people, even though they know it increases results. …

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