It's a Snap to Host Talk Show

By Royko, Mike | St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO), February 5, 1995 | Go to article overview

It's a Snap to Host Talk Show


Royko, Mike, St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)


A RIGHT-WING talk show host was on TV the other day defending the journalistic standards of shows such as his.

He denied that bizarre and untrue statements are frequently spewed on the airwaves and said his show and others are just as factual as newspapers and other traditional news outlets.

There is no difference, he indicated, between trained reporters double-checking facts and some anonymous person calling a radio show and blurting an opinion.

If he's right, then I've found an easy way to get my column done. All I have to do is follow a typical talk-show format.

We'll start with Joe from Cicero. How you doin' Joe?

"I'm doin' great. How you doin'?"

I'm doin' great too.

"That's great that we're both doin' great."

Great. What's on your mind, Joe?

"Well, I just wanna say that there ain't one lousy politician in the whole country who ain't a dirty lying no-good low-down rotten rat, and nothin's gonna get any better until we throw out every one of them. So tell me, when's that gonna happen, huh?"

I don't know, Joe, I suppose when people vote them all out of office.

"Wha, you mean we can't get rid of them without an election? We got to vote on it?"

I think that's the way it works, Joe.

"See how hard they make it for us. I told you they was all rats."

You may have a point, Joe, and now Lou from Glenview. What's on your mind today, Lou?

"I think I have a solution for the problem of all these teen-age girls having babies and going on welfare."

We can sure use a solution, Lou. So tell us about it.

"The president should go on TV and declare a national slogan: `Just Cross Your Legs.' There should be public service announcements on TV and bumper stickers and T-shirts and billboards saying `Just Cross Your Legs.' In all the churches, ministers could make `Just Cross Your Legs' the message in their Sunday sermons."

Hey, that's some idea, Lou from Glenview.

Now Bill from Sunny Hill. What's up, Bill?

"Yeah, it really bugs me about all those Mexican aliens sneaking across the border. The way I see it, the trouble is that when we catch 'em and kick 'em out, they just sneak back in again."

Yes, they are pesky that way. …

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