Kids vs. Cats

By Viets, Elaine | St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO), February 5, 1995 | Go to article overview

Kids vs. Cats


Viets, Elaine, St Louis Post-Dispatch (MO)


It was a swell way to spend Saturday night: Cleaning up what the cat did to the rug. I never wanted kids. They're too much trouble. But I could have toilet-trained a child in two years. I've been cleaning up after this cat for the last 19 years.

Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe kids are better than cats.

"I can answer that," my friend Muffie O'Toole said. "I've had cats and kids for most of my life."

Muffie lives in the semi-fashionable suburb of Fenton. She has four kids, including a 10-month-old baby.

"My baby doesn't shed. On the other hand, cats don't play Nintendo. And you don't have to take them to Chuck E. Cheese."

Then there's a case for both.

"Cats and kids have a lot in common," she said. "Both stain carpets. Both make you get up at 6 a.m. Both spit, but kids don't spark when you pet them in the dark.

"Kids are more socially acceptable. At least, people make more of an effort to be polite around your kids. No one's ever looked at my baby and said, `Does she bite?' Even when they think it. But no relative ever pressured me to name my cat after them, either."

Muffie kept listing the advantages of kids versus cats. Here they are, to help you make that major lifestyle decision:

Why Cats And Kids Are Alike:

Both hate to take baths.

Both throw up a lot.

Both steal food off the dinner table.

Both put runs in your nylons.

Both eat plants. But you can't shoot the baby with a water sprayer.

Both get ringworm.

Both cause problems with your new date.

Both run with unacceptable members of the opposite sex. But you can spay the cat.

Both can be extremely smelly.

Both are not as cute to other people as you think they are.

Both damage the neighbors' property.

Both wander around the house at night, eating everything they can find.

Why Kids Are Better Than Cats

Kids don't claw the furniture. …

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