Top 10 Tips for Wedded Bliss ; Relationship Experts Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt Had to Put Their Own Methods to the Test When Their Marriage Was on the Rocks 10 Years Ago. Now They Swear by Their 10 Tips for a Successful Marriage. KATE WHITING Reports

By Whiting, Kate | Birmingham Evening Mail (England), July 4, 2013 | Go to article overview

Top 10 Tips for Wedded Bliss ; Relationship Experts Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt Had to Put Their Own Methods to the Test When Their Marriage Was on the Rocks 10 Years Ago. Now They Swear by Their 10 Tips for a Successful Marriage. KATE WHITING Reports


Whiting, Kate, Birmingham Evening Mail (England)


IT TAKES a strong person to admit they''re being a hypocrite. So when relationship therapists Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt realised their own marriage was floundering, they quickly ate a chunk of humble pie and started addressing their own problems.

We had helped thS ousands of other couples around the world heal their marriages, but we were not practising what we preached,the couple write in their new book, Making Marriage Simple: 10 Truths For Changing The Relationship You Have Into The One You Want.

For 30 years, America''s leading marriage experts had spread their unique method, Imago Relationship Therapy, to 37 different countries, but now it was time to test out their own medicine.

We decided to put ourselves through the exercises and techniques we''d created for others. And the same magic we''d seen so many other couples experience became ours. Our marriage finally became the relationship of our dreams.

Here they share their top 10 tips for making marriage stable, simple - and successful.

PRACTICE ZERO NEGATIVITY! All criticism, even constructive criticismnot only fails to get us what we want but it''s a form of self-abuse since the traits we criticise in our partners are often projections of unpleasant truths about ourselves. Instead of criticising, explore why a particular trait in your partner bothers you so much.

ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER''S ''OTHERNESS'' We often see and treat a partner as extensions of ourselves who should be just like me. Practice seeing and accepting your partner as someone with different perceptions, feelings and experiences that are equally valid as your own.

CLOSE ALL EXITS Exits are activities that become an escape from the day-to-day intimacy of the partnership. They can be functional (work, taking care of kids), motivated (watching TV, reading, sports), and/or catastrophic (emotional or physical affairs, addictions). All exits will slowly drain your relationship until you become two separate individuals without connection, living parallel lives. Begin identifying and closing your exits, although for catastrophic exits, you may need to seek professional help.

TALK WITH SENDER RESPONSIBILITY When talking to your partner, avoid the word you unless you mean something positive and affirming. Own your experience by saying how you feel rather than blaming your partner. For example, I feel bad when ... rather than You make me feel bad when .....

GIVE AND RECEIVE UNCONDITIONALLY Offer gifts with no strings attached. Often we feel unworthy of receiving compliments from our partner and reject them. Instead of saying, You don''t really mean that I''m beautiful/handsome/smart, say Thank you, it means a lot to me that you feel that way. …

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Top 10 Tips for Wedded Bliss ; Relationship Experts Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt Had to Put Their Own Methods to the Test When Their Marriage Was on the Rocks 10 Years Ago. Now They Swear by Their 10 Tips for a Successful Marriage. KATE WHITING Reports
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