Real Life: Melissa Kite

By Kite, Melissa | The Spectator, June 13, 2015 | Go to article overview

Real Life: Melissa Kite


Kite, Melissa, The Spectator


The doctor eyed me suspiciously as I walked into her consulting room. 'Ye-es?' she said, nervously, eyeing me up and down, after I knocked softly and entered apologetically, as I always do.

Whenever I go to see her, my GP gives the impression of being taken totally by surprise, and put to astonishing inconvenience, by my seeking her opinion on a medical matter, even though she is advertising herself as a general practitioner and has, I am assuming, various qualifications in this field.

'Ye-es?' she said, looking mortified, terrified and outraged on every level as I made my way to the chair by her desk. She never says anything else by way of small talk or introduction, by the way. No 'hello' or 'how are you?' or 'what can I do for you?' Just 'ye-es?' And that look that says she has no idea why she is here or what she is doing. (She was sure they said she would have to sit in a chair and fill out forms all day. No one said anything about meeting sick people. This one doesn't even look ill. How is she supposed to know what's wrong with her?)

I told her I was feeling dizzy. It had started suddenly. One minute I was fine, the next minute I bent down to pick out my horse's feet and I fell over. I couldn't get my balance back and it was now a week later and it had not returned. I was getting rather worried. I had been in bed for days because I couldn't even move my eyes from side to side without falling over. I was all right so long as I stared straight ahead but if I changed my head position even a little, or looked right or left, I was a gonna.

She stared at me, a look of pure disgust on her face. Against all her instincts, she was going to have to do something. She got her pointy ear examiner and looked in my ears. 'They're all right,' she said flatly.

'Are you sure?' I said. 'Because when I drive up and down hills my ears pop like they're blocked or something.'

'No. They're all right,' she said. And she got her blood pressure paraphernalia out and strapped it to my arm. 'Bit high,' she said, on reading the monitor. 'Probably stressed.' And then she sat back in her chair and stared at me blankly like the girl who says 'computer says no'. …

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