unhappy now as I should be if I had seen you yesterday. To be happy with you seems such an impossibility! it requires a luckier Star than mine! it will never be. I enclose a passage from one of your letters which I want you to alter a little--I want (if you will have it so) the matter express'd less coldly to me. If my health would bear it, I could write a Poem1 which I have in my head, which would be a consolation for people in such a situation as mine. I would show some one in Love as I am, with a person living in such Liberty as you do. Shakespeare always sums up matters in the most sovereign manner. Hamlet's heart was full of such Misery as mine is when he said to Ophelia "Go to a Nunnery, go, go!"2 Indeed I should like to give up the matter at once--I should like to die. I am sickened at the brute world which you are smiling with. I hate men and women more. I see nothing but thorns for the future--wherever I may be next winter in Italy or nowhere Brown will be living near you with his indecencies-- I see no prospect of any rest. Suppose me in Rome--well, I should there see you as in a magic glass going to and from town at all hours,---------- I wish you could infuse a little confidence in human nature into my heart. I cannot muster any--the world is too brutal for me--I am glad there is such a thing as the grave--I am sure I shall never have any rest till I get there. At any rate I will indulge myself by never seeing any more Dilke or Brown or any of their Friends. I wish I was either in your arms full of faith or that a Thunder bolt would strike me.
God bless you.
No address or postmark.
Mrs Brawne's Next door to Brown's
My dear Haydon,
I am much better this morning than I was when I wrote the note: that is my hopes and spirits are better which are
225. This may be one of the letters he wrote on the 14th of August: apparently the note he refers to is missing. I assume that Letter 229