2
THE AMERICANS

IN CHINA, one hears tales about America and the Americans. On the whole, they are much like the tales one hears in France or England. America is a country where men eat hot dogs, women chew gum, and children lick ice-cream cones. The idea conveyed, however, is not that some Americans do these things, but that every man eats hot dogs, every woman moves her jaws perpetually up and down, and every child holds an ice-cream cone in his hand.

-16-

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With Love and Irony
Table of contents

Table of contents

  • Title Page iii
  • Acknowledgment vi
  • Contents vii
  • Introduction ix
  • 1 - The English and the Chinese 3
  • 2 - The Americans 16
  • 3 - What I like About America 23
  • 4 - The Chinese and the Japanese 30
  • 5 - Hirota and the Child 41
  • 6 - Oh, Break Not My Willow Trees!"" 46
  • 7 - Captive Peking 54
  • 8 - A Hymn to Shanghai 63
  • 9 - What I Want 67
  • 10 - What I Have Not Done 72
  • 11 - Crying at the Movies 76
  • 12 - Mickey Mouse 80
  • 13 - Buying Birds 85
  • 14 - My Library 92
  • 15 - Confessions of a Vegetarian 99
  • 16 - On Being Naked 104
  • 17 - How I Moved into a Flat 110
  • 18 - How I Celebrated New Year's Eve 114
  • 19 - Ah Fong, My Houseboy 120
  • 20 - Convictions 125
  • 21 - Do Bedbugs Exist in China? 130
  • 22 - Funeral Notices 134
  • 23 - I Committed a Murder 139
  • 24 - A Trip to Anhwei 144
  • 25 - Spring in My Garden 148
  • 26 - Freedom of Speech 154
  • 27 - The Calisthenic Value of Kowtowing 159
  • 28 - Confucius Singing in the Rain 164
  • 29 - King George's Prayer 170
  • 30 - The Coolie Myth 174
  • 31 - Beggars 179
  • 32 - A Bus Trip 183
  • 33 - Let's Liquidate the Moon 190
  • 34 - In Memoriam of the Dog-Meat General 195
  • 35 - The Lost Mandarin 199
  • 36 - I like to Talk with Women 204
  • 37 - Should Women Rule the World? 208
  • 38 - In Defense of Chinese Girls 212
  • 39 - In Defense of Gold Diggers 218
  • 40 - Sex Imagery in the Chinese Language 223
  • 41 - The Monks of Hangchow 226
  • 42 - The Monks of Tienmu 232
  • 43 - A Talk with Bernard Shaw 237
  • 44 - A Suggestion for Summer Reading 243
  • 45 - The 500th Anniversary of Printing 249
  • 46 - Basic English and Pidgin 255
  • 47 - The Donkey That Paid Its Debt 266
  • 48 - The Future of China 273
  • 49 - The Real Threat: Not Bombs, but Ideas 283
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