Women's and Men's Sexualities Differences in Arousal, Goals, and Selectivity
The possibility of reconciling the different sexual interests and capacities of females and males, the possibility of working out sexual adjustments in marriage, and the possibility of adjusting social concepts to allow for these differences between females and males, will depend upon our willingness to accept the realities which the available data seem to indicate.
-- Alfred Kinsey et al., Sexual Behavior in the Human Female
JOAN LIVES IN A LARGE CITY in the western United States. She is 24, single, works full-time and has her own apartment. In the last five years she has become painfully aware that men's sexuality is different from women's. Her experiences have certainly been broader than those of most women in her mother's and grandmother's generations. Joan came of age in the 1970s in a relatively sophisticated urban environment, and she absorbed the notion that sexual equality meant that men and women were basically the same--or would be if they were allowed to be. She is thus perplexed as to why men act the way they do, and bitter when they do it. Her philosophy and upbringing did not prepare her for the differences between men's and women's sexuality or for her emotional reactions to them.
I think a lot of men divorce sex from relationships and feelings. The one thing I am looking for is a relationship with a lot of communication. Real honest talking. Most men don't want to talk. They want to go out, and go to dinner, and screw. I talk openly to them if they want to listen, but they seldom do. I want to be friends, but not many men want to do that. Every man that I've ever gone out with has just wanted to go to bed. They say right on the first date, "I think you're attractive. I want to make love to you. Let's just make love." I don't understand