The Final Final Exam
A SENTIMENTAL EDUCATION
David Newman and
Robert BentonThe things you really learn in college have very little to do with academic subjects. You learn to be on your own, how to cope with women,
how to grow up, how to stop making a fool of yourself and things like
that. The classic cliché is "finding yourself." Whether you have gone or
are now going to college, have you found yourself? Or are you still looking? When old alums look back on college days with that sentimental
gleam in the eye, they don't remember the dates of the War of the Roses.
One doesn't feel that pang in the heart over a Chem. exam once aced.
No, what one remembers fondly is college life: learning about girls, getting away from home and testing his wings, being exposed to brilliant
teachers for the first time, living with strangers who became friends.
And all that good old bushwa. Here is a test on the important aspects of
college life, then. Take it and see where you stand. But no cheating, or
you'll be expelled from life itself.
Test One: School Spirit
This is a MULTIPLE CHOICE. test.
Pick the answer that best completes the statement. Think before
you answer. Do not trust your
first impulse. Anyone who trusts
his first impulse hasn't found himself yet.
|1. ||Now that you are President of
the student body, you should|
|a. ||call the Dean of Men by his
|b. ||write the Governor of the
state that you will be looking for a job next year.|
|c. ||ask your daddy for a bigger
|2. ||Now that you are a cheerleader, you should|
|a. ||get a haircut.|
|b. ||stop asking the coach if
you can play.|
|c. ||kill yourself.|
|3. ||Now that you are in a fraternity, you should|
|a. ||stop talking to foreign students.|
|b. ||learn a trade.|
|c. ||get out.|
|4. ||Now that you are center on the
basketball team, you should|