Companion in Exile: Notes for an Autobiography

By Ferenc Molnar; Barrows Mussey | Go to book overview

one of the numerous mistakes in my life. It is the outcome of an idea that I have always found repugnant, but that has by now, surprisingly, grown into an urge, nay a compulsion: to violate my own privacy.

The explanation is that I started writing too soon. It would have been better put off.

There are two reasons why I did not wait. For one thing, I was possessed by the thought that my advanced age might not leave me time to put in all I wanted to put in. The other reason is that although I am still (Spring of 1948) -- at least so I think -- in a reasonably normal state of mind, I have seemed to notice in myself the first symptoms of a gradual decline in my own nervous condition since the twenty-eighth of August, 1947; it started on that day, and has kept growing ever since. I have a possibly mistaken premonition that these symptoms may foreshadow a sort of depressed condition, in the neuro-pathological sense.

I am quite aware that this is lay talk -- the language of a layman with a tendency to hypochondria. I have never consulted a psychiatrist in my life; nor have I the slightest intention of doing so. To me the idea of lying on my back as a patient on a psychiatrist's couch is wholly repugnant.

Accordingly this premonition does not hold over my head the results of a medical examination, not even the erudite book of a world-famous authority. Only an article in the Encyclopædia Britannica, one of those reference books always at hand on my shelves for the sleepless nights when people like me jump from bed to

-10-

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Companion in Exile: Notes for an Autobiography
Table of contents

Table of contents

  • Title Page 3
  • Foreword 9
  • Chapter 1 13
  • Chapter 2 17
  • Chapter 3 54
  • Chapter 4 68
  • Chapter 5 71
  • Chapter 6 79
  • Chapter 7 94
  • Chapter 8 111
  • Chapter 9 267
  • Chapter 10 295
  • Chapter 11 328
  • Chapter 12 334
  • Chapter 13 339
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