Not to People like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages

By Susan Weitzman | Go to book overview

APPENDIX D
Early Warning Signs
The man dominates the woman verbally, criticizing and belittling her, throwing her off balance, or causing her to doubt her own worth and abilities.
He makes all plans, neither inquiring about her desires nor gathering input from her.
He alone sets the sexual pace, initiating all contacts and rejecting any of her sexual approaches.
He makes most of the decisions about the future and announces them to her instead of including her in planning and decisionmaking. He refuses to compromise or negotiate on major decisions.
He is moody, making it difficult for her to predict what the next encounter with him will be like.
He is chronically late without apology or remorse.
He determines when they can discuss issues, if at all; he repeatedly justifies this control by claiming that he "hates conflict."
He is hostile toward others as well as her; typical behaviors are unjustified rage, arrogance, controlling behavior, pouting and withdrawal of affection, and sudden coldness and rejection.
His father was abusive to his own wife.
He demands control over his partner's contacts with friends and family and her finances.
He publicly humiliates her, sometimes starting with "put-down" humor; rather than apologizing when she protests, he urges her to "get a thicker skin!" or "lighten up!"
He slaps, pushes, or hits her.
He exhibits rage, arrogance, pouting, or withdrawal if not given his way.
He is suddenly cold or rejecting.
His temper seems uncontrolled, and he manifests unprecipitated anger at others.
He is highly critical of his partner.
He makes comments meant to make the woman feel unsure of herself.
He is verbally domineering.
He flaunts his relationships other women.

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