At rise: Dim lights let us see a young man in his early 30's sitting in a chair in a vacant apartment. There is a window at the rear with the shade down. The man's dark complexion as well as the shiny black hair and thick moustache indicate that he is a Latin. He is dressed in dark pants and a white shirt half open.
MARTÍNEZ: My name is Martínez, and I have an accent. (His accent is not as heavy as that of certain people from Central Europe, but it is heavy enough to be detected immediately. His eyes wander, scrutinizing the audience as if he were trying to find a reaction to his first sentence. There is, however, a certain aloofness in his manners, as if he couldn't care less anyway.) An accent is like an illness. At least it hurts like one. You see, I have been looking for an apartment since I was asked to leave from the one I live in, probably because of my accent (Pause.) and I have not found one as yet because of my accent. (Makes an ample gesture which embraces the empty living room.) See this? The owner wants two hundred and seventy dollars for this crappy room. He doesn't know that I know that these apartments rent for $200. He is overcharging me $70 a month, that is to say $840 a year for my accent. Which means that if I did not have an accent and I moved in here, in ten years I would have saved enough money to buy a brand new Ford or a used Cadillac. That is a hell of a price to pay for an accent. Of course, he will never admit that he is punishing me for that, but I know. You see, Johnny, the black guy that works with me, lives in this building and he said to me, "you may try to rent here but the owner doesn't like foreigners. He will overcharge you." "How much do you pay? I asked him, "$200," he answered. (Talking rapidly.) Then I come and the owner says "$270. Just for you." And I realize that Johnny was right and I can feel my blood rushing to my head and I wanna say "shove it up your ass" but instead, because I'm a gentleman, I use the only word in the English language that I can say without an accent: (Pause, looks at the audience.) Bullshit. But then he pretends not