Dual-Career Marriage: A System in Transition

By Lisa R. Silberstein | Go to book overview

Chapter 5
Dual Careers and the Heart of Family Life

I think it tears me up more than it does him to miss something at the kids' school. There's something inside me--I hate to say guilt, because guilt is a waste of time. But it's an angst that doesn't go away, a question of are you screwing up your kids. Normally I would never ever bring up gender differences, but I am now persuaded that this may be a gender difference. Maybe because we women chose not to stay at home, we have to live with it, that it's going to be our fault.

--A physician in her early 40s

We have what I jokingly refer to as the tag-team approach to child care. If I'm going to be in the office on Sunday, then I'll look after the child on Saturday, so that Joyce can go into the office. Joyce and I rarely spend both days of a weekend together, very rarely. I guess we rarely spend one day of a weekend together. We are both so busy.

--A businessman in his early 30s

The worst thing about the dual-career family is that it's unknown territory, and it's unclear how much attention the child needs from his mother and/or father. And then the other issue is how much attention the mother needs from the father and the father needs from the mother, and how much dual careers are going to lead away from that. Even though there's no difference in how much time we have together compared with the traditional marriage where the husband is at work all day, somehow it feels different. I don't know if it is.

--An architect in his upper-30s

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