*JOHNSON. Oh, for that, he desires to be excused; he is too proud a man to creep servilely after sense, I assure you. -- But pray, Mr. Bayes, why is this scene all in verse?
BAYES. O sir, the subject is too great for 85 prose.
SMITH. Well said, i'faith. I'll give thee a pot of ale for that answer; 'tis well worth it.
BAYES. Come, with all my heart. 'I'll make that god subscribe himself a devil.' 90 That single line, 'y gad, is worth all that my brother poets ever writ. Let down the curtain. Exeunt.
BAYES and the two Gentlemen.
BAYES. Now, gentlemen, I will be bold to say, I'll show you the greatest scene that ever England saw -- I mean not for words, for those I do not value, but for state, show, and magnificence. In fine, I'll justify it to be as grand to the eye every 5 whit, 'y gad, as that great scene in Harry the Eight -- and grander too, 'y gad; for, instead of two bishops, I bring in here four cardinals.
The Curtain is drawn up; the two usurping Kings appear in state, with the four Cardinals, PRINCE PRETTY-MAN, PRINCE VOLSCIUS, AMARYLLIS, CLORIS, PARTHENOPE, &c.; before them, Heralds and Sergeants at Arms with maces.
SMITH. Mr. Bayes, pray what is the reason that two of the cardinals are in hats and the other in 10 caps?
BAYES. Why, Sir, because -- by gad, I won't tell you. -- Your country friend, sir, grows so troublesome.
KING USHER. Now, sir, to the business of the day. 15
KING PHYSICIAN. Speak, Volscius.
VOLSCIUS. Dread sovereign lords, my zeal to you must not invade my duty to your son. Let me entreat that great Prince Pretty-man first do speak, whose high preeminence, in all things that do bear the name of good, 20 may justly claim that privilege.
BAYES. Here it begins to unfold. You must perceive, now, that he is his son.
JOHNSON. Yes, sir; and we are very much beholding to you for that discovery. 25
PRETTY-MAN. Royal father, upon my knees I beg That the illustrious Volscius first be heard.
VOLSCIUS. That preference is only due to Amaryllis, sir.
BAYES. I'll make her speak very well, by and 30 by; you shall see.
AMARYLLIS. Invincible sovereigns -- (Soft Music.)
KING USHER. But stay, what sound is this invades our ears?1
KING PHYSICIAN. Sure 'tis the music of the moving spheres.
PRETTY-MAN. Behold, with wonder! yonder comes from far, 35 A god-like cloud and a triumphant car,
In which our two right kings sit one by one,|
With virgin vests, and laurel garlands on.
| KING USHER. Then, Brother Phys', 'tis time we|
should be gone.
(The two Usurpers steal out of the throne and go away.)
BAYES. Look you now, did not I tell you that 40 this would be as easy a change as the other?
SMITH. Yes, faith, you did so; though I confess, I could not believe you; but you have brought it about, I see.
(The two right Kings of Brentford descend in the clouds,2 singing in white garments; and three fiddlers sitting before them, in green.)
BAYES. Now, because the two right kings 45 descend from above, I make 'em sing to the tune and style of our modern spirits.
1ST KING. Haste, brother king, we are sent from above.
2D KING. Let us move, let us move --
Move to remove the fate 50 Of Brentford's long united state.
1ST KING. Tara, tan tara, full east and by south,
2D KING. We sail with thunder in our mouth,
In scorching noon-day, whilst the traveller stays,
Busy, busy, busy, busy, we bustle along. 55 Mounted upon warm Phœbus his rays, Through the heavenly throng,
Hasting to those
Who will feast us, at night, with a pig's pettitoes.
1ST KING. And we'll fall with our pate 60 In an olio3 of hate.
2D KING. But now supper's done, the servitors try, Like soldiers, to storm a whole half-moon pie.
1ST KING. They gather, they gather hot custard in
But alas, I must leave these half-moons, 65 And repair to my trusty dragoons.
2D KING. Oh, stay, for you need not as yet go astray;
The tide, like a friend, has brought ships in our way,
And on their high ropes we will play.
Like maggots in filberts, we'll snug in our shell, 70 We'll frisk in our shell, We'll firk in our shell,
1ST KING. But the ladies have all inclination to dance, And the green frogs croak out a coranto4 of France. 75
BAYES. Is not that pretty, now? The fiddlers are all in green.____________________
'What noise is this invades my ear?'