nor affectation deform it; yet all this is nothing. Her tongue as well as face ne'er knew artifice; nor ever did her words or looks contradict her heart. She is all truth, and hates the lying, masking, daubing world, as I do; for which I love her, and 685 for which I think she dislikes not me: for she has often shut out of her conversation, for mine, the gaudy, fluttering parrots of the town, apes and echoes of men only, and refused their commonplace part chat, flattery, and submissions, to be 690 entertained with my sullen bluntness and honest love. And, last of all, swore to me, since her parents would not suffer her to go with me, she would stay behind for no other man, but follow me, without their leave, if not to be obtained. Which 695 oath --
FREE. Did you think she would keep?
MAN. Yes; for she is not, I tell you, like other women, but can keep her promise, though she has sworn to keep it; but, that she might the better 700 keep it, I left her the value of five or six thousand pound: for women's wants are generally their most importunate solicitors to love or marriage.
FREE. And money summons lovers more than beauty, and augments but their importunity 705 and their number; so makes it the harder for a woman to deny 'em. For my part, I am for the French maxim, 'If you would have your female subjects loyal, keep 'em poor.' But, in short, that your mistress may not marry, you have given her a 710 portion.
MAN. She had given me her heart first, and I am satisfied with the security; I can never doubt her truth and constancy.
FREE. It seems you do, since you are fain 715 to bribe it with money. But how come you to be so diffident of the man that says he loves you, and not doubt the woman that says it?
MAN. I should, I confess, doubt the love of any other woman but her, as I do the friendship of 720 any other man but him I have trusted; but I have such proofs of their faith as cannot deceive me.
MAN. Not but I know that generally no man can be a great enemy but under the name of friend; 725 and if you are a cuckold, it is your friend only that makes you so, for your enemy is not admitted to your house: if you are cheated in your fortune, 'tis your friend that does it, for your enemy is not made your trustee: if your honor or good name be in 730 jured, 'tis your friend that does it still, because your enemy is not believed against you. Therefore, I rather choose to go where honest, downright barbarity is professed, where men devour one another like generous, hungry lions and tigers, not like 735 crocodiles; where they think the devil white, of our complexion; and I am already so far an Indian. But if your weak faith doubts this miracle of a woman, come along with me, and believe; and thou wilt find her so handsome that thou, who art so much 740 my friend, wilt have a mind to lie with her, and so will not fail to discover what her faith and thine is to me.
When we're in love, the great adversity, Our friends and mistresses at once we try. 745
Enter OLIVIA, ELIZA, LETTICE.
OLIV. Ah, cousin, what a world 'tis we live in! I am so weary of it.
ELIZA. Truly, cousin, I can find no fault with it, but that we cannot always live in't; for I can never be weary of it. 5
OLIV. Oh, hideous! you cannot be in earnest, sure, when you say you like the filthy world.
ELIZA. You cannot be in earnest, sure, when you say you dislike it.
OLIV. You are a very censorious creature, 10 I find.
ELIZA. I must confess, I think we women as often discover where we love, by railing, as men when they lie, by their swearing; and the world is but a constant keeping gallant, whom we fail not to quarrel 15 with when anything crosses us, yet cannot part with't for our hearts.
LET. A gallant indeed, madam, whom ladies first make jealous, and then quarrel with it for being so; for if, by her indiscretion, a lady be talked of for 20 a man, she cries presently, ''Tis a censorious world!'; if, by her vanity, the intrigue be found out, ''Tis a prying, malicious world!'; if, by her over-fondness, the gallant proves unconstant, ''Tis a false world!'; and if, by her niggardliness, the chambermaid 25 tells, ''Tis a perfidious world!' -- but that, I'm sure, your ladyship cannot say of the world yet, as bad as 'tis.
OLIV. But I may say, ''Tis a very impertinent world!' Hold your peace! -- And, cousin, if the 30 world be a gallant, 'tis such an one as is my aversion. Pray name it no more.
ELIZA. But is it possible the world, which has such variety of charms for other women, can have none for you? Let's see -- first, what d'ye think of 35 dressing and fine clothes?
OLIV. Dressing! Fie, fie, 'tis my aversion. -- [To LETTICE.] But come hither, you dowdy; me-____________________