have thy statue cast in brass. But don't you dote, you old pander, you, when you talk at this rate?
COUP. That your youthful parts shall judge of. This plump partridge that I tell you of lives in 295 the country, fifty miles off, with her honored parents, in a lonely old house which nobody comes near; she never goes abroad, nor sees company at home; to prevent all misfortunes, she has her breeding within doors: the parson of the parish teaches her to 300 play on the bass-viol, the clerk to sing, her nurse to dress, and her father to dance. In short, nobody can give you admittance there but I; nor can I do it any other way, than by making you pass for your brother. 305
Y. FAS. And how the devil wilt thou do that?
COUP. Without the devil's aid, I warrant thee. Thy brother's face not one of the family ever saw; the whole business has been managed by me, and all the letters go through my hands: the last that 310 was writ to Sir Tunbelly Clumsey (for that's the old gentleman's name) was to tell him, his lordship would be down in a fortnight to consummate. Now you shall go away immediately, pretend you writ that letter only to have the romantic 315 pleasure of surprising your mistress, fall desperately in love as soon as you see her; make that your plea for marrying her immediately, and when the fatigue of the wedding-night's over you shall send me a swinging purse of gold, you dog, you. 320
Y. FAS. I'gad, old dad, I'll put my hand in thy bosom now.
COUP. Ah, you young hot lusty thief, let me muzzle you ----- (kissing) ----- sirrah, let me muzzle you. 325
Y. FAS. (aside). Psha, the old lecher -----
COUP. Well, I'll warrant thou hast not a farthing of money in thy pocket now, no; one may see it in thy face -----
Y. FAS. Not a souse,1 by Jupiter. 330
COUP. Must I advance then? well, sirrah, be at my lodgings in half an hour, and I'll see what may be done; we'll sign and seal, and eat a pullet, and when I have given thee some farther instructions, thou sha't hoist sail and be gone. (Kissing.) T'other 335 buss, and so adieu.
Y. FAS. Um, psha.
COUP. Ah, you young warm dog, you; what a delicious night will the bride have on't!
Y. FAS. So, Lory: Providence, thou seest 340 at last, takes care of men of merit: we are in a fair way to be great people.
LO. Ay, sir, if the devil don't step between the cup and the lip, as he uses to do.
Y. FAS. Why, faith, he has played me many 345 a damned trick to spoil my fortune, and, i'gad, I'm almost afraid he's at work about it again now; but if I should tell thee how, thou'dst wonder at me.
LO. Indeed, Sir, I should not.
Y. FAS. How dost know? 350
LO. Because, sir, I have wondered at you so often, I can wonder at you no more.
Y. FAS. No? what wouldst thou say if a qualm of conscience should spoil my design?
LO. I would eat my words, and wonder more 355 than ever.
Y. FAS. Why, faith, Lory, though I am a young rake-hell, and have played many a roguish trick, this is so full-grown a cheat, I find I must take pains to come up to't; I have scruples. 360
LO. They are strong symptoms of death; if you find they increase, pray, sir, make your will.
Y. FAS. No, my conscience shan't starve me, neither. But thus far I will harken to it, before I execute this project. I'll try my brother to the 365 bottom; I'll speak to him with the temper of a philosopher; my reasons (though they press him home) shall yet be clothed with so much modesty, not one of all the truths they urge shall be so naked to offend his sight: if he has yet so much 370 humanity about him as to assist me (though with a moderate aid) I'll drop my project at his feet, and show him I can -- do for him much more than what I ask he'd do for me. This one conclusive trial of him I resolve to make. 375
Succeed or no, still victory's my lot;
If I subdue his heart, 'tis well; if not,
I shall subdue my conscience to my plot.
[LOVELESS'S lodgings in London.]
Enter LOVELESS and AMANDA.
LOV. How do you like these lodgings, my dear? For my part, I am so well pleased with 'em, I shall hardly remove whilst we stay in town, if you are satisfied.
AMAN. I am satisfied with everything that 5 pleases you; else I had not come to town at all.
LOV. Oh, a little of the noise and bustle of the world sweetens the pleasures of retreat: we shall find the charms of our retirement doubled, when we return to it. 10
AMAN. That pleasing prospect will be my chiefest entertainment, whilst (much against my will) I am obliged to stand surrounded with these____________________