LUCY enters in haste.
LUCY. Dear madam, as I live, here comes the old lady in a hackney-coach. 105
CHARLOTTE. The old chariot has given her a second tumble: away with you; you know your way out without meeting her; take the box, and do as I desire you.
CHARLES. I must not dispute your orders, 110 Farewell! Exeunt CHARLES and CHARLOTTE.
LADY RUSPORT enters, leaning on MAJOR
O'FLAHERTY. Rest yourself upon my arm, never spare it; 'tis strong enough: it has stood harder service than you can put it to.
LUCY. Mercy upon me, what is the matter; I am frightened out of my wits: has your ladyship had 5 an accident?
LADY R. Lucy! the most untoward one in nature; I know not how I shall repair it.
O'FLAHERTY. Never go about to repair it, my lady; ev'n build a new one; 'twas but a crazy 10 piece of business at best.
LUCY. Bless me, is the old chariot broke down with you again?
LADY R. Broke, child? I don't know what might have been broke, if, by great good for- 15 tune, this obliging gentleman had not been at hand to assist me.
LUCY. Dear madam, let me run and fetch you a cup of the cordial drops.
LADY R. Do, Lucy. [Exit Lucy.] Alas! sir, ever 20 since I lost my husband, my poor nerves have been shook to pieces; there hangs his beloved picture; that precious relic, and a plentiful jointure, is all that remains to console me for the best of men.
O'FLAHERTY. Let me see; i' faith a comely 25 personage: by his fur cloak I suppose he was in the Russian service, and by the gold chain round his neck, I should guess he had been honored with the order of St. Catharine.
LADY R. No, no; he meddled with no St. 30 Catharines: that's the habit he wore in his mayorAlty -- Sir Stephen was Lord Mayor of London; but he is gone, and has left me a poor, weak, solitary widow behind him.
O'FLAHERTY. By all means, then, take a 35 strong, able, hearty man to repair his loss: if such a plain fellow as one Dennis O'Flaherty can please you, I think I may venture to say, without any disparagement to the gentleman in the fur gown there -- 40
LADY R. What are you going to say? Don't shock my ears with any comparison, I desire.
O'FLAHERTY. Not I, by my soul; I don't believe there's any comparison in the case. [Re enter LUCY.]
LADY R. Oh, are you come? Give me the 45 drops; I'm aft in a flutter.
O'FLAHERTY. Hark'ee, sweetheart, what are those same drops? Have you any more left in the bottle? I didn't care if I took a little sip of them myself.
LUCY. Oh! sir, they are called the cordial 50 restorative elixir, or the nervous golden drops; they are only for ladies' cases.
O'FLAHERTY. Yes, yes, my dear, there are gentlemen as well as ladies that stand in need of those same golden drops; they'd suit my case to a tittle. 55
LADY R. Well, Major, did you give old Dudley my letter, and will the silly man do as I bid him, and be gone?
O'FLAHERTY. You are obeyed; he's on his march.
LADY R. That's well; you have managed this 60 matter to perfection; I didn't think he would have been so easily prevailed upon.
O'FLAHERTY. At the first word; no difficulty in life; 'twas the very thing he was determined to do, before I came; I never met a more obliging 65 gentleman.
LADY R. Well, 'tis no matter; so I am but rid of him, and his distresses: would you believe it, Major O'Flaherty, it was but this morning he sent a-begging to me for money to fit him out upon some wild- 70 goose expedition to the coast of Africa, I know not where.
O'FLAHERTY. Well, you sent him what he wanted ?
LADY R. I sent him, what he deserved, a 75 flat refusal.
O'FLAHERTY. You refused him!
LADY R. Most undoubtedly.
O'FLAHERTY. You sent him nothing!
LADY R. Not a shilling. 80
O'FLAHERTY. Good morning to you -- Your servant -- (Going.)
LADY R. Hey-day! What ails the man? Where are you going?
O'FLAHERTY. Out of your house, before the 85 roof falls on my head -- to poor Dudley, to share the little modicum that thirty years' hard service has left me; I wish it was more for his sake.
LADY R. Very weft, sir; take your course; I shan't attempt to stop you; I shall survive it; it 90 will not break my heart if I never see you more.
O'FLAHERTY. Break your heart! No, o' my conscience, will it not. -- You preach, and you pray, and you turn up your eyes, and all the while you're as hard-hearted as a hyena -- A hyena, truly! 95 By my soul there isn't in the whole creation so savage an animal as a human creature without pity. Exit.
LADY R. A hyena, truly! Where did the fellow