other great assemblies, divided into parties -- High- roomians and Low-roomians;1 however, for my part, I have resolved to stand neuter; and so I told Bob Brush at our last committee.
((COACH. But what do the folks do here? 85
((FAG. Oh! there are little amusements enough. --)) In the morning we go to the Pump-room (though neither my master nor I drink the waters); after breakfast we saunter on the Parades, or play a game at billiards; at night we dance: but d--n the 90 place, I'm tired of it: their regular hours stupefy me -- not a fiddle nor a card after eleven! -- However, Mr. Faulkland's gentleman2 and I keep it up a little in private parties; -- I'll introduce you there, Thomas -- you'll like him much. 95
COACH. Sure I know Mr. Du-Peigne -- you know his master is to marry Madam Julia. FAG. I had forgot. -- But Thomas, you must polish a little -- indeed you must. -- Here now -- this wig! what the devil do you do with a wig. 100 Thomas? -- none of the London whips of any degree of ton3 wear wigs now.
COACH. More's the pity! more's the pity, I say -- Odd's life! when I heard how the lawyers and doctors had took to their own hair, I thought how 105 'twould go next: -- Odd rabbit it!4 when the fashion had got foot on the Bar, I guessed 'twould mount to the Box! -- But 'tis all out of character, believe me, Mr. Fag: and look'ee, I'll never gi' up mine -- the lawyers and doctors may do as they will.110
FAG. Well, Thomas, we'll not quarrel about that.
COACH. Why, bless you, the gentlemen of they professions ben't all of a mind -- for in our village now, tho'ff5 Jack Gauge, the exciseman, has ta'en to his carrots,6 there's little Dick, the farrier, 115 swears he'll never forsake his bob,7 tho' all the college should appear with their own heads!
FAG. Indeed! well said, Dick! But hold -- mark! mark! Thomas.
COACH. Zooks!8 'tis the Captain! -- Is 120 that the lady with him?
FAG. No! no! that is Madam Lucy -- my master's mistress's maid. --They lodge at that house -- but I must after him to tell him the news.
COACH. Odd! he's giving her money! -- 125 Well, Mr. Fag ----
FAG. Good-bye, Thomas. -- I have an appointment in Gyde's Porch9 this evening at eight; meet me there, and we'll make a little party.
A dressing-room in MRS. MALAPROP'S
LYDIA sitting on a sofa, with a book in her hand. --
LUCY, as just returned from a message.
LUCY. Indeed, ma'am, I traversed half the town in search of it: -- I don't believe there's a circulating library in Bath I ha'n't been at.
LYD. And could not you get The Reward of Constancy?105
LUCY. No, indeed, ma'am.
LYD. Nor The Fatal Connection?
LUCY. No, indeed, ma'am.
LYD. Nor The Mistakes of the Heart?
LUCY. Ma'am, as ill-luck would have it, Mr. 10 Bull11 said Miss Sukey Saunter had just fetched it away.
LYD. Heigh-ho! -- Did you inquire for The Delicate Distress? --
LUCY. Or The Memoirs of Lady Woodford?15 Yes, indeed, ma'am. -- I asked everywhere for it; and I might have brought it from Mr. Frederick's,12 but Lady Slattern Lounger, who had just sent it home, had so soiled and dog's-eared it, it wa'n't fit for a Christian to read. 30
LYD. Heigh-ho! -- Yes, I always know when Lady Slattern has been before me. -- She has a most observing thumb; and I believe cherishes her nails for the convenience of making marginal notes. -- Well, child, what have you brought me? 25
LUCY. Oh! here, ma'am. (Taking books from under her cloak, and from her pockets.) This is The Gordian Knot, -- and this Peregrine Pickle. Here are The Tears of Sensibility and Humphry Clinker. This is The Memoirs of a Lady of Quality, written30by herself, -- and here the second volume of The Sentimental Journey.
LYD. Heigh-ho! -- What are those books by the glass?
LUCY. The great one is only The Whole Duty35of Man -- where I press a few blonds,13 ma'am.
LYD. Very well -- give me the sal volatile.
LUCY. Is it in a blue cover, ma'am?____________________