The North Parade.
LUCY. So -- I shall have another rival to add to my mistress's list -- Captain Absolute. ----- However, I shall not enter his name till my purse has received notice in form. Poor Acres is dismissed! -- Well, I have done him a last friendly office in let 5 ting him know that Beverley was here before him. -- Sir Lucius is generally more punctual when he expects to hear from his dear Dalia, as he calls her: -- I wonder he's not here! -- I have a little scruple of conscience from this deceit; though I should not 10 be paid so well, if my hero knew that Delia was near fifty, and her own mistress. ((I could not have thought he would have been so nice, when there's a golden egg in the case, as to care whether he has it from a pullet or an old hen!)) 15
Enter SIR LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.
SIR LUC. Hah! my little embassadress -- upon my conscience, I have been looking for you; I have been on the South Parade this half-hour.
LUCY (speaking simply). O gemini! and I have been waiting for your worship here on the North. 20
SIR LUC. Faith! -- may be that was the reason we did not meet; and it is very comical, too, how you could go out and I not see you -- for I was only taking a nap at the Parade Coffee-house, and I chose the window on purpose that I might not miss you. 25
LUCY. My stars! Now I'd wager a sixpence I went by while you were asleep.
SIR LUC. Sure enough it must have been so -- and I never dreamt it was so late, till I waked. Well, but my little girl, have you got nothing for me? 30
LUCY. Yes, but I have: -- I've got a letter for you in my pocket.
SIR LUC. O faith! I guessed you weren't come empty-handed -- well -- let me see what the dear creature says. 35
LUCY. There, Sir Lucius. (Gives him a letter.)
SIR LUC. (reads). Sir -- there is often a sudden incentive impulse in love, that has a greater induction than years of domestic combination: such was the commotion I felt at the first superfluous view of Sir Lucius40 O'Trigger. -- Very pretty, upon my word. -- ((As my motive is interested, you may be assured my love shall never be miscellaneous. Very well.)) Female punctuation forbids me to say more; yet let me add, that it will give me joy infallible to find Sir Lucius worthy the45last criterion of my affections. -- ((Yours, while meretricious --)) DELIA. Upon my conscience! Lucy, your lady is a great mistress of language. -- Faith, she's quite the queen of the dictionary! -- for the devil a word dare refuse coming at her call -- 50 though one would think it was quite out of hearing.
LUCY. Aye, sir, a lady of her experience -----
SIR LUC. Experience! what, at seventeen?
LUCY. O true, sir -- but then she reads so -- my stars! how she will read off-hand! 55
SIR LUCY. Faith, she must be very deep read to write this way -- though she is rather an arbitrary writer too -- for here are a great many poor words pressed into the service of this note, that would get their habeas corpus from any court in Christen 60 dom. ((However, when affection guides the pen, Lucy, he must be a brute who finds fault with the style.))
LUCY. Ah! Sir Lucius, if you were to hear how she talks of you! 65
SIR LUC. O tell her I'll make her the best husband in the world, and Lady O'Trigger into the bargain! -- But we must get the old gentlewoman's consent --- and do everything fairly.
LUCY. Nay, Sir Lucius, I thought you wa'n't 70 rich enough to be so nice!1
SIR LUC. Upon my word, young woman, you have hit it: -- I am so poor that I can't afford to do a dirty action. -- If I did not want money I'd steal your mistress and her fortune with a great deal of 75 pleasure. -- However, my pretty girl (gives her money), here's a little something to buy you a ribband; and meet me in the evening, and I'll give you an answer to this. So, hussy, take a kiss beforehand to put you in mind. (Kisses her.) 80
LUCY. O lud! Sir Lucius -- I never seed such a gemman! My lady won't like you if you're so impudent.
SIR LUC. Faith she will,Lucy ----- That same ----- pho! what's the name of it? -- Modesty! ----- is a 85 quality in a lover more praised by the women than liked; so, if your mistress asks you whether Sir Lucius ever gave you a kiss, tell her fifty -- my dear.
LUCY. What, would you have me tell her a lie?
SIR LUC. Ah, then, you baggage! I'll make it 90 a truth presently.
LUCY. For shame now; here is some one coming.
SIR LUC. O faith, I'll quiet your conscience.
Sees FAG. -- Exit, humming a tune.
FAG. So, so, ma'am. I humbly beg pardon.
LUCY. O lud! -- now, Mr. Fag -- you flurry 95 one so.
FAG. Come, come, Lucy, here's no one by -- so a little less simplicity, with a grain or two more sincerity, if you please. -- You play false with us, madam. -- I saw you give the baronet a letter. 100____________________