LADY TEAZ. Why, you, to be sure. I said nothing -- but there's no bearing your temper. 290
SIR PET. No, no, madam, the fault's in your own temper.
LADY TEAZ. Ave, you are just what my cousin Sophy said you would be.
SIR PET. Your cousin Sophy is a forward, 295 impertinent gipsy.
LADY TEAZ. You are a great bear, I'm sure, to abuse my relations.
SIR PET. Now may all the plagues of marriage be doubled on me, if ever I try to be friends 300 with you any more!
LADY TEAZ. So much the better.
SIR PET. No, no, madam; 'tis evident you never cared a pin for me, and I was a madman to marry you -- a pert, rural coquette, that had refused 305 half the honest squires in the neighborhood!
LADY TEAZ. And I am sure I was a fool to marry you -- an old dangling bachelor, who was single at fifty, only because he never could meet with any one who would have him. 310
SIR PET. Aye, aye, madam; but you were pleased enough to listen to me -- you never had such an offer before.
LADY TEAZ. No! didn't I refuse Sir Twivy Tarrier, who everybody said would have been 315 a better match -- for his estate is just as good as yours -- and he has broke his neck since we have been married.
SIR PET. I have done with you, madam! You are an unfeeling, ungrateful -- but there's an end 320 of everything. I believe you capable of anything that's bad. Yes, madam, I now believe the reports relative to you and Charles, madam -- yes, madam, you and Charles -- are not without grounds -----
LADY TEAZ. Take care, Sir Peter! you had 325 better not insinuate any such thing! I'll not be suspected without cause, I promise you.
SIR PET. Very well, madam! very well! a separate maintenance as soon as you please. Yes, madam, or a divorce! I'll make an example of my 330 self for the benefit of all old bachelors. Let us separate, madam.
LADY TEAZ. Agreed! agreed! And now, my dear Sir Peter, we are of a mind once more, we may be the happiest couple, and never differ again, 335 you know: ha! ha! Well, you are going to be in a passion, I see, and I shall only interrupt you -- so, bye! bye! Exit.
SIR PET. Plagues and tortures! can't I make her angry neither? Oh, I am the miserablest fel 340 low! But I'll not bear her presuming to keep her temper -- no! she may break my heart, but she shan't keep her temper. Exit.
Enter TRIP, MOSES, and SIR OLIVER SURFACE.
TRIP. Here, Master Moses! if you'll stay a moment, I'll try whether -- what's the gentleman's name?
SIR OLIV. Mr. Moses, what is my name?
MOS. Mr. Premium. 5
TRIP. Premium -- very well.
Exit TRIP, taking snuff.
SIR OLIV. To judge by the servants, one wouldn't believe the master was ruined. But what! -- sure, this was my brother's house?
MOS. Yes, sir; Mr. Charles bought it of Mr. 10 Joseph, with the furniture, pictures, &c., just as the old gentleman left it -- Sir Peter thought it a great piece of extravagance in him.
SIR OLIV. In my mind, the other's economy in selling it to him was more reprehensible by half. 15
TRIP. My master says you must wait, gentlemen; he has company, and can't speak with you yet.
SIR OLIV. If he knew who it was wanted to see him, perhaps he wouldn't have sent such a message? 20
TRIP. Yes, yes, sir; he knows you are here -- I didn't forget little Premium -- no, no, no.
SIR OLIV. Very well -- and I pray, sir, what may be your name?
TRIP. Trip, sir -- my name is Trip, at your 25 service.
SIR OLIV. Well, then, Mr. Trip, you have a pleasant sort of a place here, I guess.
TRIP. Why, yes -- here are three or four of us pass our time agreeably enough; but then our 30 wages are sometimes a little in arrear -- and not very great either -- but fifty pounds a year, and find our own bags and bouquets.1
SIR OLIV. [aside]. Bags and bouquets! halters and bastinadoes! 35
TRIP. But à propos, Moses, have you been able to get me that little bill discounted?
SIR OLIV. [aside]. Wants to raise money, too! -- mercy on me! Has his distresses, I warrant, like a lord, -- and affects creditors and duns. 40
MOS. 'Twas not to be done, indeed, Mr. Trip.
(Gives the note.)
TRIP. Good lack, you surprise me! My friend Brush has indorsed it, and I thought when he put his mark on the back of a bill 'twas as good as cash. 45____________________